1. Which recommendations in this chapter operate in the revisions of the follow ing sentences? Why do these principles result in clearer, more concise revisions? i. A stroke is an increasingly common problem associated with the brain. It is caused when a vein or artery in the brain is obstructed. This results in loss of consciousness from the loss of oxygen in the brain. A stroke, an obstruction in a vein or artery in the brain, results in loss of consciousness as the brain does not receive oxygen. ii. There is another method that is more invasive to the patient but proves to be successful enough to treat stroke. Another more invasive method proves successful in treating stroke. iii. There are many proposed solutions for ridding the United States of oil dependency. Many proposed solutions target reduction of US oil dependency. iv. A significant amount of new research has come out recently about a bodily phenomenon called brown fat. Brown fat is regarded with in terest because of its potential use as a new therapy for obese patients. Brown fat is nothing new-it's been known for centuries as "baby fat," the stuff that makes newborn infants so adorably chubby. Recent research on human "brown fat" shows that it may help obese patients. Brown fat, known for centuries as "baby fat," makes newborn infants chubby. v. People in this field work in hospitals and dedicate their time to the men tal well-being of children in hospitals as well as to helping the parents be able to support their children and cope with the trauma. People in this field work in hospitals. These professionals focus on the mental well-being of hospitalized children and help the parents support their children as they cope with trauma. vi. Asperger's syndrome, sometimes called high functioning autism disor der, is a disability in young people that is frequently overlooked by edu- cators and medical personnel. Asperger's syndrome, a high functioning autistic disorder in young people, is frequently overlooked by educators and medical personnel Educators and medical personnel frequently overlook Asperger's syndrome, a high functioning autism disorder occurring in young people. vii. Even though Hurricane Gustav left its mark, there was a minimal amount of damage to the town, and finally there was a sigh of relief regarding energy prices. Even though Hurricane Gustav left its mark, the town suffered minimal damage and gave a sigh of relief regarding energy prices. viii. A shoemaking company has signed a deal to share military technol ogy to make their shoes waterproof, at the same time making the fabric breathable. A shoemaking company signed a deal to share military technology, making their shoes waterproof and breathable. Chapter 4: Achieving a Readable Style ix. There are many issues facing New Orleans related directly to hurricanes and tropical storms. Recently most of the problems caused from these storms have been traced back to the loss of wetlands of New Orleans during the past century. Despite recent pushes by community and po litical leaders in New Orleans to help restore these very little has been done, leaving much of the city vulnerable to hurricanes and allowing sea level to continue to rise. New Orleans faces many issues related to hurricanes and tropical storms. Most problems caused by these storms have occurred because of loss of wetlands around New Orleans during the past century. (a. Despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands, little has been done. Much of the city becomes increasingly vulnerable to hurricanes as the sea level continues to rise. [b. Little has been done, despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands. x. Efforts were made on the part of the director's committee for comple tion of an evaluation of the recommendations of the report. The director's committee tried to complete their evaluation of the report recommendations. 1. Which recommendations in this chapter operate in the revisions of the follow ing sentences? Why do these principles result in clearer, more concise revisions? i. A stroke is an increasingly common problem associated with the brain. It is caused when a vein or artery in the brain is obstructed. This results in loss of consciousness from the loss of oxygen in the brain. A stroke, an obstruction in a vein or artery in the brain, results in loss of consciousness as the brain does not receive oxygen. ii. There is another method that is more invasive to the patient but proves to be successful enough to treat stroke. Another more invasive method proves successful in treating stroke. iii. There are many proposed solutions for ridding the United States of oil dependency. Many proposed solutions target reduction of US oil dependency. iv. A significant amount of new research has come out recently about a bodily phenomenon called brown fat. Brown fat is regarded with in terest because of its potential use as a new therapy for obese patients. Brown fat is nothing new-it's been known for centuries as "baby fat," the stuff that makes newborn infants so adorably chubby. Recent research on human "brown fat" shows that it may help obese patients. Brown fat, known for centuries as "baby fat," makes newborn infants chubby. v. People in this field work in hospitals and dedicate their time to the men tal well-being of children in hospitals as well as to helping the parents be able to support their children and cope with the trauma. People in this field work in hospitals. These professionals focus on the mental well-being of hospitalized children and help the parents support their children as they cope with trauma. vi. Asperger's syndrome, sometimes called high functioning autism disor der, is a disability in young people that is frequently overlooked by edu- cators and medical personnel. Asperger's syndrome, a high functioning autistic disorder in young people, is frequently overlooked by educators and medical personnel Educators and medical personnel frequently overlook Asperger's syndrome, a high functioning autism disorder occurring in young people. vii. Even though Hurricane Gustav left its mark, there was a minimal amount of damage to the town, and finally there was a sigh of relief regarding energy prices. Even though Hurricane Gustav left its mark, the town suffered minimal damage and gave a sigh of relief regarding energy prices. viii. A shoemaking company has signed a deal to share military technol ogy to make their shoes waterproof, at the same time making the fabric breathable. A shoemaking company signed a deal to share military technology, making their shoes waterproof and breathable. Chapter 4: Achieving a Readable Style ix. There are many issues facing New Orleans related directly to hurricanes and tropical storms. Recently most of the problems caused from these storms have been traced back to the loss of wetlands of New Orleans during the past century. Despite recent pushes by community and po litical leaders in New Orleans to help restore these very little has been done, leaving much of the city vulnerable to hurricanes and allowing sea level to continue to rise. New Orleans faces many issues related to hurricanes and tropical storms. Most problems caused by these storms have occurred because of loss of wetlands around New Orleans during the past century. (a. Despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands, little has been done. Much of the city becomes increasingly vulnerable to hurricanes as the sea level continues to rise. [b. Little has been done, despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands. x. Efforts were made on the part of the director's committee for comple tion of an evaluation of the recommendations of the report. The director's committee tried to complete their evaluation of the report recommendations