ALISON'SSTORYOFRECOVERY

My illness became apparent when I was about 19 years old. I was depressed as a teenager but didn't have any really psychotic symptoms until I was in my second year at university; then I stopped going to classes and started daydreaming all the time and sleeping all day, just waking up for meals. I was living in a fantasy world where I was a super-special person, and yet I was depressed because I couldn't fulfill this role as a super-special person. One of my girlfriends suggested that, since I was missing classes, I speak to the women's counselor. So I spoke to her and told her my symptoms, and she told me to see a psychiatrist at the university. I went to see him, and I told him all my symptoms: I felt like people started looking like robots to me, my body seemed to be alien matter to myself, I seemed to be like from outer space somehow. He gave me some pills, some antidepressant pills and some antipsychotic pills, but he didn't give me any diagnosis at the time. He just wanted to see how my illness went on.

This lasted about two years, and I was quite suicidal for that period...because I didn't know what was going on and I was becoming more and more depressed as I could see my career slipping away... and living in this world that I had created and not having any idea what I was supposed to do with my life at that time, and I was very discouraged because nobody gave me any hope.

I ended up in the hospital twice while I was actively suicidal and I finally decided that some of the medications weren't working and I thought I would try another approach. I went to an orthomolecular psychiatrist. He started me on niacin and vitamin C, and it's either coincidence or it really worked, but for some reason or other I got better within a month or two and I was no longer depressed...I don't know to this day if they work, but I still take them.

I graduated in 1988, and then the following year I started to notice my depression coming back slowly. I couldn't find a job and I was hanging around my apartment all day. I did find a job and started working at it part-time, but then I started hearing screaming and becoming very agitated for no apparent reason...I couldn't go to work any longer...I went back to a psychiatrist, and he put me on Prozac and that helped a little bit but didn't help the psychosis part until I ended up in the hospital another time. I sort of became catatonic and they started me on Haldol. I was on Haldol for several months but had several bad side effects so I started on Loxapine after that. I was still a bit suicidal and not really depressed at being suicidal, but it was more of an elated feeling where I wanted to become an angel or something very special again. The doctor said, "Are you depressed?" and I said, "Not really, but I still want to die and I wish God would let me die by some natural cause."

I went to another day program and that helped me quite a bit. I was in that for four months and they taught me how to live on a budget...and social assertiveness techniques and I found that very helpful because that gave me a reason to get up in the morning....I was in the hospital a few more times because I was suicidal again. My doctor...tried Risperidone for a few months. That seemed to work, but I seemed to be a bit flat on that so I went back on Loxapine and vitamins and I feel fairly good today. I'm not ready to look for a job...but at least I have the hope element in my life. I know that all my suffering was for a reason...I have since moved home with my parents because I became too lonely but I look forward to moving out again when I feel a lot better.

• How many of Alison's behaviors relate to the DSM-V criteria for schizophrenia?
• What do you think are the most important components that led to Alison's recovery?
  • Do you think she will relapse?