Assess Your Couple Conflict Type Consider these four different descriptions of couples in conflict. Which of them fits you and your partner best? Rate how often each of them applies to you to see which one describes you most closely: 1. Never 2. Rarely 3. Sometimes 4. Often 5. Very Often. A. We have passionate arguments that are sometimes loud and volcanic, but our relationship remains warm and loving because we make up with a lot of laughter and affection. B. We strive to stay calm when we're fighting. We value each other's opinions, and we validate each other even when we disagree and have to exert some self-control to stay cool as we seek a compromise. C. We avoid fights. Discussions of disagreements can just make things worse, so we often "agree to disagree" and wait for problems to work themselves out. D. Our arguments are sour and sarcastic. There's a lot of disrespect. We may sulk and simmer, but sooner or later we snipe at each other and trade mean insults. Source: Adapted from Holman, T. B., & Jarvis, M. O. (2003). "Hostile, volatile, avoiding, and validating couple-conflict types: An investigation of Gottman's couple-conflict types," Personal Relationships, 10, 267-282. Scenario A illustrates a volatile couple, B a validating couple, C an avoiding couple, and D a hostile couple.