Below is my teacher's comment on my essay, can you help me correct it as the teacher said and complete the final essay? This is comment of teacher: 1. The three most important sentences in your essay = thesis, body 1 topic, body 2 topic. You have a strong thesis- good revising. You are missing your body 1 topic sentences. 2. Body 1- 2 support is great, you just need a strong body 1 topic sentences: 1) overall opinion of group. 3. Any details that are simply informative to helping readers know who this group is and not part of supporting opinions, can likely be kept to background information in the introduction. For example, general facts about who the group is, where they are located, what they d o are likely intro background. Your opinions about these things belong in body 1. 4. Please review the link below on how summary and synthesis are different for your conclusion. 5. Be sure to edit grammar and punctuation carefully; then you are ready to turn your outline into a final draft This is my Outline of essay:

Outline

#Introduction a. Have you ever heard of "Starlight Dance Center" b. Background research about what the group is: This is a center that not only teaches ballet but also has charity activities such as helping poor children with congenital diseases c. Thesis sentence: Starlight Dance Center will help me meet many kind people, give me opportunities to help those who are more disadvantaged than me, and at the same time improve my health; however, It's hard to join this class until I have enough time and financial ability.

#Topic sentence for body paragraph 1=(Overall Opinion about Group Observed)

a. First main point: I observed Starlight Dance Center on September 15th from 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm -Minor point(example, detail, etc.): they meet to practice and discuss their charity projects every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and are people from all over the world, countries, gender, and age from 20 to 40 years old. Although they are different in many things, they are still very happy and get along with each other.

b. Second main point: Everyone in the class is very kind when newbies have a hard time. - Minor point(example, detail, etc.): Language is a big problem for new international students, for example, when there is a new person, she is still confused about many things, especially how to listen and speak in English, so she wanted to give up, every member of the class tried very hard to help her with nonverbal language and slow explanations, the result was that everyone's kindness helped her to integrate more.

c. Third main point: This class also has a very meaningful charity activity for many poor children suffering from diseases. - Minor point(example, detail, etc.): Although practicing and performing was tiring, everyone was always having fun, they wanted to share their life with people in difficult circumstances not as expected. Typically, they are interested in a charity group that helps poor children with congenital diseases in Vietnam, they have called for many people to donate and send that money to seriously ill patients who do not have money for treatment. As a result, hundreds of heart surgeries and kidney transplants have been successful in 6 months since the group's operation.

#Topic sentence for body paragraph 2=(Overall Opinion about Joining Group) a. First main point: Joining this group is a good opportunity for introverts to open up and improve health for everyone. - Minor point(example, detail, etc.): as I observe their conversations and practice, I realize that some people are becoming more talkative, and more open because everyone is so friendly, they also say that their body is less tired, less stressed since taking the class. Therefore, they always carry positive energy after finishing the lesson. - Even so, I don't believe in myself, I think my poor English will affect everyone if I try to fit in

b. Second main point: It is important in this group to have enough clothes, shoes, and equipment for Ballet - Minor point(example, detail, etc.): Each person needs to have some specialized ballet suits and shoes, if not, learners may be injured or uncomfortable during practice and performance. - As an international student, the part-time job is also not stable, I can't afford buy it because it's quite expensive.

c. Third main point: I guess I can't join Starlight Dance Center - Minor point(example, detail, etc.): They won Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a week of 3 hours per day because there's so much to do for practice and planning charity, if not given enough time, learners will have difficulty keeping up with the dance moves. I find that I cannot find a reasonable time to attend this class because I have to pick up and drop off my sister who has foot pain right now. - To join this class I need to wait until my sister is cured and can drive herself. #Conclusion: a. Starlight Dance Center is a class that is really worth attending with meaningful charity activities and friendly and kind members. Especially can improve people's health b. Although I am very interested in this class but I think this is not the time I should spend on it, I was very happy when I decided to observe this class, a class that I never thought of. I think this is a class that people who want to improve their health, want to do something useful for society should join. c. I hope I will have a chance to take this class one day.