Chapter $4$: Editing Challenge$4$

This message transmits a suggestion from an employee to her boss. However, the message suffers from proofreading, wordiness, spelling, punctuation, and other writing faults that require correction.

Your Task

$[$catch generic boilerplate text$]$

To: Daniel R$.$ Kesling

From: Holly McKenney

Subject: My Idea

Cc:

Bcc:

Mr$.$ Kesling,

Due to the fact that you recently asked for ideas on how to improve customer relations

I am submitting my idea. This message is to let you know that I think we can improve

customer satisfaction easy by making a change in our counters.

Last June glass barriers were installed at our branch. There are tellers on one side

and customers on the other. The barriers, however, do have air vents to be able to

allow we tellers to carry on communication with our customers. Management thought

that these bullet proof barriers would prevent and stop thiefs from jumping over the

counter.

I observed that there were customers who were surprised by these large glass

partitions. Communication through them is really extremely difficult and hard. Both

the customer and the teller have to raise there voices to be heard. Its even more

of a inconvenence when you are dealing with an elderly person or someone who

happens to be from another country. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, these new barriers

make customers feel that they are being treated impersonal.

I made an effort to research the matter of these barriers and made the discovery that

we are the only bank in town with them. There are many other banks that are trying

casual kiosks and open counters to make customers feel more at home.

Although it may be easier said than done, I suggest that we actually give serious

consideration to the removal of these barriers as a beginning and initial step toward

improving customer relations.

Holly McKenney

E$-$mail: misty.mckenney@cibc.com

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