Editing for Tone

Amy Thompson, a project manager at the construction firm Action, was asked to present a brief Brown Bag Lunch Talk to fellow employees about using social networking responsibly on the job. As an avid social media user, she has prepared a program and has written the following memo describing the proposed talk to her boss, who requested the Brown Bag talk. However, her message has many faults. The task: List the weaknesses in the memo and then revise it to improve organization, tone, and readability. ORIGINAL Date: May 12, 2018 To: Bryon Hobbes From: Amy Thompson Subject: Social Media As per your request, I have been slaving over the Brown Bag Lunch talk (for June 5) as you requested. I appreciate this opportunity. If you can think of any point to add to the items I have already though please feel free to let me know. What I have in mind is discussing about three major points related to using social media responsibly and hoping that these points will open up a broader discussion of proper practices. In a short presentation like this, I should not talk too much. As you know, we do have an Internet policy her at Acton. But no mention of Facebook or any other social media because it was written ages ago. So, my three points will focus first on following existing company policy. Which has always allowed limited personal Internet use by employees. But, as I mentioned, does not spell out social media specifically. My advise is to stay away from social media on company computers. After all, we're not being paid to check our Facebook profile, peruse News Feeds, or send tweets. Second, I would advice everyone to use a disclaimer if you have a personal blog and you mention where you work. A good one to use is The opinions expressed are mine and do not reflect those of my employer. Remember, you represent Action no matter where you go. My last point refers to badmouthing and negative references. You may think that your social media sites are really private and secure. Man, that's dreaming! Don't ever criticize the company, a colleague, or a customer on social media. This kind of back-biting makes you look bad. When applying for another job, the hiring manager may see your whining online and cross you off his list. Hope this covers my main points