"Under Florida law, did Sue's psychologist, Dr. Curran, had a duty to notify Ryan that in the psychological consultation he had with Sue, she confessed to him of her intentions of wanting to slay him, so that he could quickly reincarnate into the body of the handsome but clueless barista over at Burlap and Bagels?"

Case

Eighteen-year-old Sue Flay's relationship with burlap dates back to her high school days, when she served as quality control supervisor in a local burlap bag factory, that is, until she was sacked shortly before graduation. A few months later, Sue began her studies at Wassamatta U., located near a residential area just northeast of the town of South Westchester, Florida, where she majored in Neanderthal Studies. Looking to expand her horizons, she joined the Wassamatta Burlap Club, a dedicated group of like-minded students who believed that both world peace and superior smoothies could be achieved if citizens of the world mastered the mysteries and wonders hidden amongst the strands of the better brands of burlap.

It was at club rush a year ago, in the fall of 2019, that she met the man she knew would be the love of her life, Ryan Carnation. Melodic strains of Loudon Wainwright, III's "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" were caressing the ears of the attendees, and, shazam! It was just like that! Indeed, it was almost as if they'd met before - she just knew it! When he returned her smile, she was certain that they had connected. Sue sat next to Ryan during the club meeting and, during the final five-minute burlap meditation that closed every meeting, the two of them stared at the same strands, as they recited together the club mantra, "better brands of burlap, be mine."

After the meeting, Sue asked Ryan if he wanted to go back to her dorm room, check out her burlap etchings, and listen to the soothing strains of Toss A Coin To Your Witcher. How could he say no? Well, one thing led to another, as sometimes happens in college dorm rooms, the next thing you know, Ryan was waking up, the sun streaming through the window, lying on Sue's beautiful burlap sheets, with her gazing lovingly at his face. When he asked how long she'd been looking at him like that, she replied, "oh, maybe an hour or so, but I could just do this forever."

This unnerved Ryan a tad, so after drinking the burlap smoothie Sue served up, Ryan made his excuses, and headed back to his tiny apartment in an area of town known as the Student Ghetto (modelled after the area of the exact same name in nearby U. of F. back in the 70s), famous for poorly maintained cheap housing, for students who could not afford more.

Ryan then pursued his usual Sunday morning routine and attended services at the South Westchester Congregation of the Church of the Sisters of Perpetual Motion. Because he hung around for lunch afterwards and had kept his phone on silent while at the church, Ryan was unaware that Sue had already called him three times. It was too late to accept her invitation to go canoeing, and too late to accept her invitation to join her for lunch at Burlap and Bagels, a cozy little virtuously vegan eatery across the street from the U. But there was still time to accept her dinner invitation, and he thought he could use this opportunity to make sure that there was no misunderstanding about some nonexistent long-term commitment.

Unfortunately, when he met her at the "Behoof You to Be Here" diner for dinner, it seemed as though he would say one thing, but she would hear another. She was smitten, she told him. And she was so, so glad that he felt the same way. He didn't feel the same way, he told her, but what she heard was, "I love you, too." It was starting to creep him out, and, what was even scarier, he actually started to regret not taking his mother's advice about first dates.

Too late for all of that now. He finally managed to disentangle himself from Sue and regrouped at his apartment to consider his options. He could quit school and join the Merchant Marine. He had heard there might be openings in the French Foreign Legion. There was even the possibility of joining a rock 'n' roll band, considering his prodigious talent with the kazoo. Gradually, though, each of these options failed to survive strict scrutiny. Ryan was worried, and he decided to "ghost" Sue, refusing to return her many, many, many calls and increasingly frantic text messages.

Sue became distressed at Ryan's disappearing act and elected to confide in her roommate in her dorm, Long Haul. This roommate was a chemistry major named Molly Kuehl, who encouraged Sue to seek professional help. Two days later, Sue met with Dr. Rhea Curran, a psychologist working full time at Wassamatta U's medical center. During their consultation, Sue confided to Rhea that Sue intended to slay Ryan, so that he could quickly reincarnate into the body of the handsome but clueless barista over at Burlap and Bagels. She went into some detail as to just how she intended to carry out this act. She had a set of six super sharp stainless steel steak knives that she had picked up for a great price on eBay. Sue knew, according to the ancient texts that she had read, that if she sliced through his jugular and, immediately thereafter, carved out his heart while it was still beating, it would pave the way for the soul to make its hasty exit.

Curran concluded that Sue suffered from several serious mental disorders and arranged for her to be involuntarily committed, which occurred the very next day. However, when Sue was examined, she appeared completely rational, and was soon released. Curran, notified of the release, consulted with her supervisor, Dr. Ima Kweck, a psychiatrist recently transferred from Ishkabibble Tech. Kweck instructed Curran to take no further action that might result in any additional detention of Ms. Flay.

Three days later, Ryan was found lying peacefully on the walkway leading to Burlap and Bagels. He was peaceful because he had been meticulously dismembered and his body parts lovingly reassembled, with the heart removed and strategically positioned below his sternum, just above his belly button. Needless to say, Ryan had engaged in that ultimate act of celestial bucket kicking. He was dead. Sue was sitting next to him, carving knives close at hand, waiting for the barista to arrive for his morning shift.

She never did find out whether Ryan's soul crossed over to the barista's body, because Sue was arrested, booked, and charged with murder. After the police uncovered a journal in Sue's dorm room, Ryan's family found out about Sue's conference with Curran, after which Sue happily told everyone all about it. Her lawyer is pursuing an insanity defense. After all, she was just crazy about Ryan.