Give feedback and peer review to the following essay:

My Friendship with Anxiety

For as long as I can remember, I have always been an anxious person. Although it is hard to recall back when I first started to notice it, I knew the anxiety in my body had been living there for a long time. And just like any relationship, this one had both its ups and downs. My anxiety started to appear slowly, like it was shy to reveal itself fully to me. Speaking up when someone got my food order wrong, having to answer a question in class when my name was called, and even meeting my extended family that I haven't seen in a while had all triggered some form of anxiety within me. And while it is common to get nervous in new environments or with new people, mines had become apparent that it was acting up in situations that were not called for. This had also caused me to develop a small stutter when speaking too fast out of nervousness, or when speaking in front of a group of people- which was a whole other issue in of itself. And while some of my friends could relate to being jittery or nervous about similar situations I was in, I felt as though I was the only one who was being held back by my anxiety. I questioned why other people could do presentations in front of the class without hyperventilating, or why the loud booming of my heart could never be quieted when meeting new people. Why was I the only one struggling with something that others could deal with so easily? I questioned myself over and over, unable to find a definitive answer as to why I was feeling this way. But little did I know that my anxiety would fester to become something I couldn't control anymore. After graduating high school and entering university, my anxiety became the catalyst for my fear of the outside world. It felt as though my anxiety was now my enemy, and something I desperately wanted to get rid of, but couldn't.

I discovered through going to university during the weekdays that my routine with my anxiety had changed. It was no longer about having small interactions trigger my anxiety, but rather being outside of my house in general. Now commuting to school by the subway, I wouldn't wear my glasses so that way I didn't have to see other people looking at me- or what I thought was them looking at me. I would constantly keep my head down and never dare to ask questions during lectures and tutorials. My goal was to stay hidden and out of the 'spotlight'. Though I knew that deep down, there was no spotlight on me. I was just another student in a school full of hundreds of other people I didn't know, but anxiety had a funny way of making me feel like I was always the centre of attention. The spotlight was unavoidable, always looming over me like a dark cloud. That along with being a visible minority because of my religion and a woman, my anxiety wouldn't let me forget that there could always be a chance of something happening to me. I had thought that if there were possible outcomes that could happen, I should just stay inside where it's safe. And that's exactly what had slowly started to happen. My anxiety was at peace knowing I was safe inside my house, and not in the outside world. But my actions had consequences. My grades started to drop tremendously; I would blow off plans with my friends, and barely talked with my family I lived with. And just when I thought my anxiety couldn't get any worse, the pandemic started.

It was there that the transition from in person to online learning should have been easy considering I was almost always inside, but it was the opposite. Where I had chosen to seclude myself in to my safe space that was my home, I was now being told by the government and everyone around us to stay inside and stay away from others. I felt like there was no end to my growing social anxiety of the outside world. But I know I wasn't the only one that was affected by this. What might have seemed like a safe haven in hindsight, many people like me who suffered pre-pandemic with anxiety had made it harder to socialize post-pandemic when regulations made it safe to do so (Kindred and Bates). Through everything I had been through with my anxiety pre-pandemic to post-pandemic, I knew that I couldn't keep living my life the way I was. I wanted to be better and push myself to do things I knew I was capable of. I no longer wanted my anxiety to rule over my life; I wanted to become friends with it. And just like any other person you want to form a friendship with, I knew this goal wasn't going to be easily achievable.

It was then that I discovered something that would change the trajectory of my life, and truly help me become the person I've always wanted to be. Exposure therapy was the first step I took to try and face my anxiety head on. It started off with small baby steps; still cautious of my environment and the people around me. I would ask the cashier at the register how their day was, or compliment a stranger on their outfit or makeup. I was warming up to the idea that these people did not know me, and would probably forget our short interaction over time. Thus, it made it easier for me to stop noticing that spotlight I never thought I could get rid of. I would take short walks by myself around the neighbourhood, and would see how long I could keep my head held high without having the urge to lower it. I began to hang out with my friends and family more, and became more comfortable doing outdoor activities with them. I learned when you focus on one negative in a situation, you tend to miss all the positives as well. The world for me became such a fun and beautiful place to explore, and I began to love the challenges I gave myself.

There was just one thing that was bothering me, and it was finally time to address it. I had a feeling that at some point, I would have another encounter with my anxiety. Except, this time I wouldn't treat it as my enemy but rather my friend. I use to try so hard to fight back those anxious feelings, and eventually gave up and let it control my life completely. But my final test was not about if I could defeat these anxious feelings like a final boss in a game and banish them from my life completely. It was about how I could learn to deal with it and face them head on, and know that I could still live my life the way I wanted to even when feeling anxious. Exposing myself to the outside world had changed my perspective on my anxiety, and I now embrace it fully. And while it might seem daunting at first to be exposing yourself to something you fear, you can actually start to learn how it interact with those situations safely (Becker-Haimes et al.). I've learned that there will be situations that will trigger my anxiety, or some things that I won't be fully ready to face head on because of my fear. All of those emotions and thoughts that I feel are valid, and should be addresses when the time calls for it. And while my anxiety and I aren't best friends, we've learned to tolerate each other through trial and error. We now know what we like and don't like, what situations are called for feeling anxious, and those that might a bit exaggerated. Just like any relationship, you might not always see eye-to-eye, nor will you always be okay in each other's presence. But that's the beauty in it, after all. My anxiety is a part of me, through thick and thin. And after finally accepting it for who it is I no longer consider it my enemy, but rather my friend.