In the summer of 2022, Suzy and Katie were preparing for their best friend Vera's bachelorette party.  Although Suzy and Katie share Vera as their best friend respectively, the two do not always get along and often battle for Vera's attention. Despite such factors, the two vowed to set their differences aside for the sake of Vera's special time.  Suzy and Katie believed it was their responsibility, as the matron and maid of honor, to create an exciting and memorable experience for the bride and all her guests. 

Suzy is known to be extremely organized and efficient when hosting events, while Katie is more laid back and goes with the flow in her approach to planning.  Additionally, Katie has never planned a bachelorette party and Suzy has done many. As a result, Suzy believed her ideas would be chosen for Vera's special occasion.  When the time came to finalize the plan for the party, Suzy and Katie found themselves entangled in a conflict.  The issue arises due to divergent opinions on how to organize and carry out the celebration.  It centers around control, creative differences, and miscommunication.

Suzy imagined a relaxing day centered around Vera.  She wanted to take the bride's focus off the grueling wedding preparations she had been enduring for months and give her a mindless day of pampering in a chic setting.  Suzy proposed a spa day, followed by a wine-tasting tour, and a nice dinner with the members of the bridal party.  She believed it would be the best scenario for the bride and her closest friends. 

Katie, on the other hand, wanted to provide Vera with an incredibly fun and upbeat night involving drinks, dancing, and barhopping in the city. She thought Suzy's idea was far from what Vera would expect, considering her partying ways at Arizona State University. Katie claims Vera has always wanted a bachelorette that reminds her of her days in college. 

Inevitably, when discussing the plans, both Suzy and Katie grew frustrated with each other and could not reach an agreement.  The conflict escalated to the point that Suzy started yelling at Katie, exclaiming that Vera is not a party girl anymore and a night in the city would not end well.  In response, Katie told Suzy she was wrong and an idiot and stormed off, without finalizing the plans.

Suzy's Script:

Suzy saw herself as the main person responsible for making Vera's bachelorette party unforgettable, specifically because she spends the most time with the bride.  She felt that she knew Vera's preferences and interests better than anyone else and wanted the party to reflect that. She believed the ideal bachelorette party should include a spa day, a wine tasting tour, and a quiet dinner with close friends, emphasizing relaxation and bonding.  Suzy felt she was being assertive in her planning, making decisions confidently to ensure Vera's happiness.  She hoped the outcome would be a perfect day that Vera would cherish forever.

Suzy's emotions included a sense of responsibility and ownership over the party, which she believed stemmed from her close friendship with Vera.  She also felt frustrated when Katie seemed to dismiss her ideas, which triggered her assertive behavior.  During the conflict, Suzy raised her voice and pushed her ideas forcefully, which could be perceived as aggressive.

Katie's Script: 

Katie's perception of the conflict differed significantly from Suzy's.  Like Suzy, Katie also believed she should have the final say in the events of the day, especially because she had known Vera longer.  She believed that Vera's bachelorette party should be livelier and more adventurous.  Katie thought it should include a night out in the city, dancing, and cocktails at trendy bars, emphasizing excitement and fun prior to Vera's commitment to marriage.  She felt that Suzy's plans were too conventional and didn't capture Vera's adventurous spirit.  Katie saw her own approach as assertive since she was advocating for what she believed would be a more memorable celebration.  She hoped the outcome would be an exciting party that Vera and the guests would rave about until the wedding day.

Katie's emotions included enthusiasm for creating an unforgettable experience for Vera and the guests, coupled with frustration when Suzy appeared inflexible about her ideas.  Her assertiveness came across when she debated passionately about her vision of the party, sometimes interrupting Suzy's suggestions.

In this conflict scenario, both Suzy and Katie displayed assertive and, at times, aggressive behaviors because they were deeply invested in creating a memorable bachelorette party for their friend, Vera.  Their different perspectives and emotional reactions led to a clash, making it important to find a compromise that would satisfy both sides and ultimately make Vera's celebration special. 

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Discuss the following two principles of conflict interaction (individualistic interdependence and negative reciprocity) and discuss how you see those exemplified in your conflict.  Be sure to include a brief definition of the concept and examples from your conflict and scripts. 

Background info: Individualistic interdependence (White & Lippitt, 1968) means parties do not perceive that they are dependent on each other at all. This is characterized by: Lack of common motives, Autonomous behavior, Indifferent attitudes toward the other, Preoccupation with oneself.

Negative reciprocity is when one party matches the negative behavior of the other. Below are highlights from a variety of research on negative reciprocity: Negative reciprocity can include a variety of negative behaviors: complaints, criticism, defensiveness, expressions of negative affect, demands, threats, abuse, and hostility. (Messman & Canary, 1998)

Next, Discuss the conflict styles you can identify in your parties. Then discuss if you think there would have been a different style that would have been more effective and why. 

 

Conflict Styles include Competing, Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, and Collaborating.

 

Then, analyze the power in this conflict. Identify what resources exist, other factors that demonstrate power in one party, and how power was used (or not used) in your conflict. 

 

(Power includes who we think has resources we may want, who can control those resources, how much we care about the situation: the person, the relationship, the outcomes of a situation. 

Resources include Normative resources: resources that come from the authority of family and societal roles.

Affective resources: resources that refer to the level of involvement, affection, and dependence someone can provide. Since humans are gregarious creatures, having someone love us is a valued resource.

Personal resources: resources that refer to elements that come from different personality characteristics that people have. Cognitive resources: resources that come from insights people have that they can share. Intelligence, awareness, or life experiences are all ways people could gather insights that might be useful to themselves or others. Economic resources: resources that are connect to money and possessions)

Finally, Identify violations of face that might exist for either or both parties in your conflict. Identify examples of face-saving or face-giving. If there were no explicit examples of facework, do you think face was affecting the conflict beneath the surface, why or why not?