Henju Lee, a female graduate student at a U.S. university, contacted the student counseling service stating that she needed to talk with someone about her “confusion over living in America.” She stated that her husband doesn’t want her to be “too independent,” and she feels that her other American friends are allowed to do more activities than she is. She said that her husband has become very angry about her behavior. “He is very strict with me and my daughter and won’t tolerate when I misbehave.” The intake worker referred her to you since you have knowledge about marital relationships. Henju agreed to come to the center for an appointment with you between her classes the following day.

Initial Interview

 Henju is sitting quietly in the waiting room reading a book when you meet her. She smiles, stands, and tells you her name. She is a petite woman, approximately 5 feet 3 inches tall, and has long, dark hair. She follows you back to your office and asks permission to sit in the chair next to your desk. “Yes, absolutely,” you tell her. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” “Oh, no thank you,” Henju replies. “Okay, what made you decide to come talk to someone today?” you ask. “Well, I think I have confusion about being in America,” Henju replies. “Confusion? Can you explain what you mean a little more?” you ask. “Yes, you see, I am from Korea, and in Korea, women are, what is the word, less than their husband,” Henju tells you. “You mean subservient? They do what the husband tells them to do without questioning it?” you query. “Yes, the husband rules the household. The wife does not ask questions,” Henju responds. She begins looking around the room anxiously. “Is this kind of hard for you to talk about?” you ask. Henju’s shoulders sag, and she says, “Yes, it is very hard to tell you since in Korea we keep the personal problems private. I do not tell anyone about, you know, my personal things.” “It sounds as if you have some things, though, that you really would like to talk about,” you surmise.

“Yes, I am worried about how I misbehave and don’t listen to my husband since I am in America.” “Okay, before you tell me about that, why don’t you tell me how long you’ve been in America and what you’re working on in school.” You feel like you should take a step back and give Henju time to feel comfortable about the counseling situation. “Yes, I live in Korea until I am 25 years old. I married my husband, Soekoo, ah, 2 years before I came to America. He is in engineering, a graduate student. When we come here, I am pregnant. I did not start school until my baby was born. Then I start school. We have been in America for 2 years now.” “Okay, and where do you live?” you ask. “In international student housing,” Henju tells you. She begins looking more relaxed talking about these areas of her life. “And what are you studying in school?” you ask. “I take physics and computer sciences,” Henju tells you. “I do well in these areas of study.” “That’s very impressive. Are you studying for a master’s degree or a doctorate?” you question. “First, a master’s and then the PhD. degree,” Henju smiles. “I get both degrees and then I teach and do research.” “Wow, that’s a lot of school. Do you plan on going back to Korea after you and your husband have finished school?” you ask. “Ah, we do not know. Perhaps, get a job in the U.S. but we must wait and see.” “Yes, of course. And how have you been managing with a small child with both you and your husband going to school full-time?”

“My little girl, she is in the child care from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m.,” Henju replies. “The child care here at the University?” you query. “Yes, she likes it very much,” Henju tells you. “Good, that makes it easier for you to have her right here, I’m sure. So, let’s talk a little about what you’ve been feeling confused about lately. Can you tell me a little more about that?” “Well,” Henju sighs, “I think I like better the way American women are free to do as they like, so I tell my husband I want to do things on my own.” “And how did he respond?” you ask. “He does not like that at all. He wants me to go to school and to come home. That’s all. Everything else, he wants to do it with me.” “Can you give me an example?” you ask. “Well, like I say to him that I will go to the grocery store and get baby food or something. He says no; he says he must come with me to the grocery store. Or, well, I want to study with my girlfriends, and he says I have to study only at home. I don’t like this at all. He goes out with his friends to study, but it is not okay for me to do the same. Do you see what I mean? I am confused. He says I misbehave. And I don’t see that at all. I think I am now in America, and I want to do what my American girlfriends do in this country. Oh, he gets very angry with me.” “Okay, and what happens when he gets angry with you?” you ask. “He sometimes says I am not a good wife and that he is in charge of the household and I will do what he says. I feel very bad when he says that.” Henju sighs and sits back in her chair. She twists her hair and looks uncomfortable again. “So, when he gets angry at you for wanting to go out alone or with your girlfriends, he makes you feel bad. What do you do when he says those things?” you query. “Sometimes, I think I get mad at him. But, I should not get mad. In Korea, the wife obeys her husband.”

“Do you ever decide to go out with your friends even if your husband doesn’t want you to take part in those activities?” you wonder. “One time, I did that. You see, my friends decide to have a meeting because we have a big exam in the physics class. I tell my husband I need to go to the meeting so I can do well on the exam. He says, ‘No, you cannot go.’ I tell him I think this is very important and he can stay with our daughter one evening. So, I did not go home that night, and I went over to my friend’s house to study. When I got home, he was so angry. He had been drinking the wine and was, how do you say, too much to drink? And he screams at me and says I am a bad wife and all, and he hits me with his belt. I was very, very upset after that for a long time.” “When did this happen, Henju?” you carefully ask. “About 1 or 2 months ago,” Henju replies. “Did you tell anyone about this incident?” you ask. “No, I felt very ashamed and did not want anyone to know,” Henju says quietly. “Okay, has your husband gotten angry and hit you other times?” you ask. “No, just the one time, but I have not felt like I could go out on my own since that time. I feel I must be at home and please my husband, or he will be very angry again.” “Are you fearful that he might become angry and hit you again?” you ask. “I am always fearful of my husband when he drinks the wine,” Henju replies. “I would like to not be so afraid all the time. And I would like to enjoy the freedom like American women do. I think maybe I should not want this, but I have tried and I cannot stop thinking I want some of this freedom like my friends.” “When you say ‘fearful,’ Henju, do you mean you are scared that your husband will hit you again?” you ask. “Only if I do something to make him very angry and drunk. If I behave the way I should as a Korean wife, then I am not afraid. I love my husband very much. He is a good person. He just does not understand American way of life for women. I feel I must learn how to obey him better and get these thoughts out of my mind.” “How often does your husband drink too much wine?” “Only on holidays and when he goes out with his Korean friends.” “Not every day or week?” “No. Not that much.” “So you have been living in America for 2 years now. How many times have you gone out by yourself?” you query.

“Three times I go out. Once with my friends that I told you about; once to the pharmacy as my baby was sick and I needed the medicine; and once to buy food. My husband was not happy about these

times at all. But he only hit me the one time when he had too much to drink and he became very angry that I was not home when he wanted me to be.” “The times that he gets angry with you but hasn’t hit you, what does he do?” Henju thinks for a minute. “He tells me I am a bad wife and I misbehave. He yells and in Korean says bad names. Sometimes he says I am not a good mother. One time, he made me sit and meditate about my bad ways until morning.” “When he tells you you’re a bad wife, how does that make you feel?” “I am very sad and ashamed of my ways. I think I should be good Korean wife. I think I should act that way for my daughter, too. But lately, I have been talking to my girlfriends, and they say I don’t have to listen to my husband and that I am not a bad wife. So I have confusion.” “I see. This is a big dilemma for you. Have you been having trouble sleeping or eating?” “Sometimes I am so tense that I lie in bed without sleeping. But I eat very well,” she says with a big smile on her face, patting her belly. “I like American hamburgers and ice cream the best.” You smile and say, “I’m glad you like American food. But it must be hard not to be sleeping very well. How long have you had trouble sleeping?” “Only since my husband got so mad at me when I went to the study group. I did not think I had a problem until that time.” You decide that you do not want to press Henju further during the first session and that you have enough information to make an assessment of her issues. Therefore, you end the session by thanking her for coming and being honest and open with you. You schedule a follow-up session in the next few days.

1 .What are some of Henju’s strengths?

2. What acculturation issues do you think are involved with this case?

3. About which aspects of Korean culture do you need to get information in order to diagnose Henju appropriately?

 4. What resources might be beneficial to Henju?

 5. If you were to form hypotheses of Soekoo’s issues, what would they be?

6. What is your initial diagnosis for Henju? 8.6–7 What would be your next steps with this client and family system?