Message Do-Over for a Persuasive Message to a Colleague

 

Recently, Samantha Parkinson, a marketing intern, sent a message to Bianca Genova, her boss, about changing the pricing model for a social networking platform. Bianca was upset when she read Samantha's message. She thought Samantha's ideas were poorly developed. She also thought the message was disrespectful and unappreciative. Bianca sent the response message below:

 

 

SUBJECT: Re: Changing our Pricing Model

Samantha,

LinkedB2B is not LinkedIn. Period. 

We are a premier social networking service for professionals. We focus on B2B networking. Our competitive advantage is that we are not LinkedIn. We are far more valuable to our members than LinkedIn. THAT IS WHY WE CHARGE FOR ALL MEMBERS. As soon as we reduce our service to a free service, we lose our advantage. Furthermore, we send the message that anyone can join. Quite frankly, we only want professionals who are serious about networking to join. As soon as we open the service up to anyone willing to create a username and a password, then our loyal members will recognize that most of the members are no longer valuable as contacts. 

Please avoid spending any time developing your own ideas.
We've set up a variety of activities for you to work on—identifying prospects to contact directly about our service, developing content to help in B2B relationship-building, and contacting professionals who have failed to renew their memberships. This is all we want you to do. You've done a fine job at this so far, and we want you to DEVOTE ALL OF YOUR ENERGIES TO YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION. 

Best,

Bianca

 

 

Complete the following tasks:
A. Evaluate the effectiveness of Bianca's message.
B. Rewrite the message to improve it. Feel free to reasonably embellish the message.