Analyze the following demanding e-mail message to be sent by the vice president to all employees. In teams or individually, discuss the tone and writing faults in this message. How can you make this message more courteous, positive, and precise? Focus on concisness, familiar words, and developing the "you" view. Consider revising this e-mail as a collaboration project using Word's Track Changes and Comment feature.    

To: All Staff

From: Sybil Montrose

Subject: Problematic Online Use by Employees

Cc:

Attached: E-Mail and Internet Policy


Once again I have the decidedly unpleasant task of reminding all employees that you may NOT utilize company computers or the Internet other than for work-related business and essential personal messages. Effective immediately a new policy will be implemented.

Our guys in IT tell me that our bandwidth is now seriously compromised by some of you boys and girls who are using company computers for gaming, blogging, shopping, chatting, and downloading streaming video. Yes, we have given you the right to use e-mail responsibly for essential personal messages. But that does not include checking your Facebook or Myspace accounts during work hours or downloading your favorite shows or sharing music.

We distributed an e-mail policy a little while ago. We have now found it necessary to amplify and extrapolate that policy to include use of the Internet. If our company does not control its e-mail and Internet use, you will continue to suffer slow downloads. You may also lose the right to use e-mail at all. In the past every employee has had the right to send a personal e-mail occasionally, but he must use that right carefully. We may have to prohibit the personal use of e-mail entirely. Don’t make me do this!