Part 1: Conciseness

Instructions: Revise each of the following sentences according to the directions of each sub-part. All problems in this section are worth 1 point.

1A: ConcisenessFor sentences 1-5, revise the sentence to reduce wordiness, unnecessary words, and inflated language. Try to find more common synonyms and reduce jargon where possible. Hint: If you dont understand the original sentence, just approximate. (1 point each)

Example: It is apparent that the gas boosters suffered a malfunction due to the fact that the safety valve was not set to a non-active positionality.

Example revision: The gas boosters malfunctioned because the safety valve was off.

1. Conduct a replacement of the indicator bulb that is colored red with the indicator bulb that is colored blue.

Revision:

2. Roughly in the area of 1400 watts is transmitted by the battery device at any given moment during its operating phase.

Revision:

3. All things being equal and to the best of my knowledge, the current prospectus can be said to properly signal to all potential clients and customers that one of the main risk factors involved in an investment in this product would tend to be a significant or otherwise noteworthy depreciation of the municipal bonds upon which the product is based and which serve as the collateral thereto.

Revision:

4. All payroll employees are found to have been trained in the appropriate and functional usage of the inking apparatus.

Revision:

5. The project managers are of the belief that delays in effective delivery and installation of ReportingSoftware X can and may be attributed to possible lags in productivity owing to an inability to contract sufficient numbers of relevantly skilled programmers in our contract country site.

Revision:

1B: Identifying expert audience terms Sentence 6-10 each contain some terms that might be appropriate for expert audiences, but could probably be simplified for non-expert audiences. For each sentence, identify the term(s) thats probably appropriate for an expert, but that should probably be changed or revised for non-expert users. Hint: There may be more than one expert term in each sentence. Hint: You might be an expert in some of these fields! (1 point each, partial credit available)

Example: These observations have been carried out by examining the dislocation fields developed around nanoindentations in body centered cubic (bcc) Ta.

Expert terms: dislocation fields, nanoindentations, body centered cubic (bcc) Ta.

6. In this report, we will examine the options of land-value taxation and split-rate taxation for the purpose of real estate investment decisions.

Expert terms:

7. Because the tubing for the liquid CPU cooler may require some flexibility during installation, you should install it before your memory sticks.

Expert terms:

8. Like most similar systems, we use an RSA algorithm for public key encryption.

Expert terms:

9. Pre- and postoperative FOT measurements were compared using Wilcoxon paired rank tests, and the relationships between FOT measurements and preoperative spirometry findings were determined by Spearman's rank correlation analysis.[1]

Expert terms:

10. Davidson only walked two batters all game, and the no-no ended on a dazzling 6-4-3 double play.

Expert terms

Part 2: Microsoft Style for conversational, ethical, and inclusive writing

Instructions: For this last part of the exercise, using the Microsoft Style Guide discussions on Brand Voice, Word Choice, and Bias-Free Communication to revise each sentence or passage. Note that some sentences/passages may require multiple revisions. (2 points each)

1. We will send over a salesman to assess her requirements. (Hint: Aim for bias-free communication; consider a more conversational tone).

Revision:

2. It has been determined that our group has struggled with utilizing our productivity suite during our Zoom videoconferencing sessions. As a means to effectively integrate productivity applications into our videoconferencing sessions, we will be beginning the process of unwinding our Zoom commitments and instead we will be adopting the Microsoft application Teams. (Hint: Get to the point fast; simpler is better).

Revision: