PERSUASIVE MESSAGE - SALES - . . . . Relevant Concepts Persuasive messages External messages Sales messages Sentence structure Verb tense Punctuation Number usage Professional tone Understanding your audience The following external persuasive sales message is meant to get a client to pre-purchase copy paper in order to obtain savings. This message does not employ a professional tone and is unclear. Additionally, the message contains several verb errors (tense and passive voice), number usage errors, grammatical errors, spelling errors, sentence errors (run-on, comma splices, etc.), and style errors. . To: Malory E. Giant From: gracek@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Malory I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity, as one of our most valued customers. Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used an average of 5,680,000 sheets of paper annually. This means your organization is purchasing an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty six cases annually. Based on this 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6-10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount: 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99, Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Can DAVAR1 90. Dari Dara Dela CEC 00. DIA Are Dara Dela 1100 NARROW Jou empoyee Have Ucu an average Ur SVOU,VOU DID i popularnany. I means your Ulyon puli an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty six cases annually. Based on this 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99, Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $41.99, Discount: 25% Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $39.19; Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper purchases the pre-purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organization over sixteen thousand dollars annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1,000 cases of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered. Additionally If additional cases of paper are needed beyond the pre-purchase those cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount Your continued business success depends in part on CTP Office Supplies discounts. Please review the attached details regarding this pre-purchase offer, and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on 8/7 at two and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Celt: 740-555-5554 To: Malory E. Giant From: gracekcocob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used on Click to select average of 5.680.000 sheets of paper annually, To: Malory E. Glant From: gracek@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used on average of 5,680,000 sheets of paper annually. (Click to select) Based on this 5-year average. CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $41.99; Discount 25% Cases Per Week: 31. Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $3919: Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper Cicick to unfecti pre purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organization over Click to select annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1,000 cases of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered Click to select) cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount (Click to select) Please review the attached details regarding this pre- purchase offer and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on click to Malect) Click to select and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Cell: 740-555-5554 Persuasive Message - Document Makeover i To: Malory E. Giant From: gracekc@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Hey Mal- Dearest Malory, Looking for a great deal? Have I got one for you! innue Are you ready for a deal Malory? Greetings Malory: offeri savings. The list below shows the pre-purch Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case P Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case F Cases Per Week: 31+: Regular Per Case Price Based on your 5-year average weekly paper over (Click to select) annually. Bette of paper. Simply place your supply orders as (Click to select) (Click to select) purchase offer, and know I will be happy to a (Click to select) and providing your organiz- (Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Cell: 740-555-5554 (Click to select) 4 (Click to select) Since you're such a great customer, we've got a deal for you! As one of our top spenders, we've got a deal for you. As one of our most valued customers, I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity. I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity. What to save $$$? Check out this limited time offer :) Truyurur Puroru Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchas Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purcha Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase P UUTU Based on your 5-year average weekly paper (Click to select) 3 pre-pur over (Click to select) annually. Better yet, we will store the pap of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will (Click to select) 4) case (Click to select) 5 pe (Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees h average of 5.680.000 sheets of paper annually. Click to select) E This means your organization is purchasing an average 22 cases of paper a week or 1,136 cases annually. This means your organization has purchasing an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty-six cases annually. 1,136 cases of paper annually, that's what you buy Since you purchase 22 cases of paper a week (1,136 cases annually), you can't afford to pass this up. 22 cases of paper a week. Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $39.19: Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper (Click to select) pre-purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organ over (Click to select) annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1, of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered. (Click to select) cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount. (Click to select) Please review the attached details regardin purchase offer, and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on (Click to select) (Click to select) and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. (Click to select) Kate per annually. es is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purcha pre-purchase savings. er Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case P Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price ekly papev (click to select) pre-purchase of you ally. Bett purchasing, there the paper for you. y orders a purchases. The paper will be deliverec purchases; the cases will be offe purchased, the Ple happy to purchases, the tions. I look forward to our organization with this and other cost savings. 4 Sales 555-5554 (Prev 1 of 1 MacBook Pro (Click to select) 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offe savings. The list below shows the pre-purc Cases Per Week: 6-10; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Prie of Based on your 5-year average weekly pape ove (Click to select) annually. Bet 16 thousand dollars r supply orders (C $16,000 (C $ sixteen thousand $16 (in thousands) will be happy to (CO sixteen-thousand dollars ding your organi pur (Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-5551 | Cell: 740-555-5554 PERSUASIVE MESSAGE - SALES - . . . . Relevant Concepts Persuasive messages External messages Sales messages Sentence structure Verb tense Punctuation Number usage Professional tone Understanding your audience The following external persuasive sales message is meant to get a client to pre-purchase copy paper in order to obtain savings. This message does not employ a professional tone and is unclear. Additionally, the message contains several verb errors (tense and passive voice), number usage errors, grammatical errors, spelling errors, sentence errors (run-on, comma splices, etc.), and style errors. . To: Malory E. Giant From: gracek@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Malory I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity, as one of our most valued customers. Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used an average of 5,680,000 sheets of paper annually. This means your organization is purchasing an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty six cases annually. Based on this 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6-10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount: 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99, Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Can DAVAR1 90. Dari Dara Dela CEC 00. DIA Are Dara Dela 1100 NARROW Jou empoyee Have Ucu an average Ur SVOU,VOU DID i popularnany. I means your Ulyon puli an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty six cases annually. Based on this 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99, Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $41.99, Discount: 25% Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $39.19; Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper purchases the pre-purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organization over sixteen thousand dollars annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1,000 cases of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered. Additionally If additional cases of paper are needed beyond the pre-purchase those cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount Your continued business success depends in part on CTP Office Supplies discounts. Please review the attached details regarding this pre-purchase offer, and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on 8/7 at two and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Celt: 740-555-5554 To: Malory E. Giant From: gracekcocob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used on Click to select average of 5.680.000 sheets of paper annually, To: Malory E. Glant From: gracek@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees have used on average of 5,680,000 sheets of paper annually. (Click to select) Based on this 5-year average. CTP Office Supplies is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purchase your paper for 2018 at up to a 30 percent savings. The list below shows the pre-purchase savings. Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $53.19; Discount 5% Cases Per Week: 11-20Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre purchase Per Case Price: $47.59, Discount: 15% Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $41.99; Discount 25% Cases Per Week: 31. Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $3919: Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper Cicick to unfecti pre purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organization over Click to select annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1,000 cases of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered Click to select) cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount (Click to select) Please review the attached details regarding this pre- purchase offer and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on click to Malect) Click to select and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Cell: 740-555-5554 Persuasive Message - Document Makeover i To: Malory E. Giant From: gracekc@cob.com Subject: Opportunity to save over 30% Click to select) Hey Mal- Dearest Malory, Looking for a great deal? Have I got one for you! innue Are you ready for a deal Malory? Greetings Malory: offeri savings. The list below shows the pre-purch Cases Per Week: 6 - 10; Regular Per Case P Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case F Cases Per Week: 31+: Regular Per Case Price Based on your 5-year average weekly paper over (Click to select) annually. Bette of paper. Simply place your supply orders as (Click to select) (Click to select) purchase offer, and know I will be happy to a (Click to select) and providing your organiz- (Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-55511 Cell: 740-555-5554 (Click to select) 4 (Click to select) Since you're such a great customer, we've got a deal for you! As one of our top spenders, we've got a deal for you. As one of our most valued customers, I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity. I am reaching out to you with a special opportunity. What to save $$$? Check out this limited time offer :) Truyurur Puroru Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchas Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purcha Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase P UUTU Based on your 5-year average weekly paper (Click to select) 3 pre-pur over (Click to select) annually. Better yet, we will store the pap of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will (Click to select) 4) case (Click to select) 5 pe (Click to select) Over the last five years, your 568 employees h average of 5.680.000 sheets of paper annually. Click to select) E This means your organization is purchasing an average 22 cases of paper a week or 1,136 cases annually. This means your organization has purchasing an average twenty-two cases of paper a week or one thousand one hundred and thirty-six cases annually. 1,136 cases of paper annually, that's what you buy Since you purchase 22 cases of paper a week (1,136 cases annually), you can't afford to pass this up. 22 cases of paper a week. Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price: $39.19: Discount: 30% Based on your 5-year average weekly paper (Click to select) pre-purchase of your 2018 paper supply will save your organ over (Click to select) annually. Better yet, we will store the paper for you. No need to have a place to store over 1, of paper. Simply place your supply orders as usual, and the paper will be delivered. (Click to select) cases will be offered at the same pre-purchase discount. (Click to select) Please review the attached details regardin purchase offer, and know I will be happy to answer any questions. I look forward to our meeting on (Click to select) (Click to select) and providing your organization with this and other cost savings. (Click to select) Kate per annually. es is offering a unique opportunity to pre-purcha pre-purchase savings. er Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case P Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Per Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Case Price: $55.99; Pre-purchase Per Case Price ekly papev (click to select) pre-purchase of you ally. Bett purchasing, there the paper for you. y orders a purchases. The paper will be deliverec purchases; the cases will be offe purchased, the Ple happy to purchases, the tions. I look forward to our organization with this and other cost savings. 4 Sales 555-5554 (Prev 1 of 1 MacBook Pro (Click to select) 5-year average, CTP Office Supplies is offe savings. The list below shows the pre-purc Cases Per Week: 6-10; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 11 - 20; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 21 - 30; Regular Per Case Cases Per Week: 31+; Regular Per Case Prie of Based on your 5-year average weekly pape ove (Click to select) annually. Bet 16 thousand dollars r supply orders (C $16,000 (C $ sixteen thousand $16 (in thousands) will be happy to (CO sixteen-thousand dollars ding your organi pur (Click to select) Kate Kate G. Collins, Director of Paper Sales CTP Office Supplies Office: 740-555-5551 | Cell: 740-555-5554
