Read and annotate the following information carefully:

 

To do well in your essay: There are the important aspects (You get scored on them.):

1. Understanding of the passage: Do you get the most important points (the main idea and most of the relatedpoints)?

 

2. Connection: In the essay, do you talk about these most important points of the passage - the main idea and the related points? 

 

You can agree or disagree with any of these points, but if you start talking about something else such as women having more disadvantages compared with men, then you are off the topic - not what the passage is about - Being off the topic a clear sign of a weak essay.

 

3. Expansion (development of ideas): Did you expand on these important points with your own observation and experience? (Personal examples are great! But making up examples and pretending they are real doesn't usually work. We can often tell they are fake and they are usually not interesting to read.) Or, do you just basically repeat the same points with different words? - Simply repeating the important ideas without expansion is another clear sign of a weak essay.
 

4. Organization of ideas and paragraphs: Ideas and paragraphs go smoothly, clearly, and logically from one to the other.

 

5. Write with clear sentences, andvocabulary (Vocabulary doesn't have to be fancy with big words, but clear and simple is better.  A lot of students run into trouble by trying to use big words that sound important.  When we read and write more, it'll come naturally to us to use more vocabulary, but don't force it - even the famous American writer Ernest Hemingway wrote with very simple sentences and words, so why do we have to use fancy words?) and clean grammar.

 

Also, when you write, don't stop at every sentence to think about grammar because it'll stop your flow of thoughts and make you stuck.  When you practice grammar a lot, your sentences come out cleaner, and do make sure you give yourself some time to proofread your writing before submitting your essay.

 

 

 

Now, more details about the first 4 aspects:

 

1. Connection:

 

When professors read your essays, they look to see if your essay is connected to the passage's most important points.  These points are the main idea and related points that you are supposed to get.

 

The most important points for "It's Not Easy Being Male"

 

In response to the writing assignment, present these ideas from the text in asummary.

 

Those of you who receive a good score (by demonstrating an adequateunderstanding of the complexity of the ideas in the reading passage) usually refer to the following points:

 

• Main idea:

 

 

Although in general men enjoy more advantages for being male, they also have some disadvantages (You can either agree or disagree with that idea.  You just have to talk about it.)

 

 

• Related (or supporting) points:

 

 

1) A man's identity lies in his work (You probably know what "identity" means, but it may help to check your dictionary to see EXACTLY what "identity" means so you have more words and ideas to help you bring out your own ideas and personal observation.)

 

 

2) The pressure to make money may interfere with the development of other roles and skills (Professors will look to see if you talk about all the above pointsin your essay to determine if you get the passage well and, again, it doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with these points.)

 

 

Additional points that may be mentioned (It's not the end of the

                 world if your essay doesn't talk about the additional points - you CAN still get a

                 good grade, but it will certainly help!)

 

3) The man is pushed toward the world of employment to pay the basic bills of the family;

 

 

4) Because our culture expects a man to earn money, he may feel that his salary is connected to his self-esteem.

 

 

 

 

 

2. Expansion

 

    In your writing courses, professors may use different terms such as "development," "elaboration" of your ideas, or "give details or specifics," or even "showing, not telling." These are somewhat "standard" ways of saying things. By the way, we use those terms also and they are all related closely to "expansion."

 

 

In our course, "expansion" is what we are going to use to convey the idea that you need to provide more details tofill out these important ideas, i.e., main and related points,so they get "expanded" without you getting off the topic.You expand on these important ideas with your own explanation and with examples from your experience or the experience of someone you know, or from a book you've read, or a show you watched.  Yes, your personal examples help.  

 

Make sure your expansion doesn't get off the topic.  In the essay you wrote, for example, you don't want to start talking about how women have too many disadvantages compared with men and how unfair our society is! (Some students wrote more than half of the essay on such unfairness!) You might be right and professors may agree with you, but your essay will GET OFF THE TOPIC! Those off-the-topic details can make your essay really weak because they are not part of the author's important points or concerns in the passage (refer to the important points above). - There will be more about expansion later.

 

3. Organization: How the essay goes from beginning to end.

Here is a simple and efficient way to organize your essay in a "timed" situation.

 

1. Whole-essay organization:

(First paragraph: Introduction)

 

(Maybe some background information to begin the introduction.)

 

1. Summary of the main idea and the most important related points.

 

 

2. Thesis statement - usually at the end of the paragraph, after the summary - (Needs to be connected to the passage's main idea).  

 

 

In the essay you just wrote, you need to write a thesis stating your opinion about "men also have disadvantages" because it's the main idea of the passage.  (You can be for, against, or partiallyfor or against the author's main idea according to whatever you believe.)

 

It's best to state your honest opinions because when a student tries to say things that he or she doesn't really believe, the writing won't have a lot of ideas and the ideas usually are not very good.

 

First body paragraph

 

a) 1^st topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph (usually). It's your first main idea (not the author's) of the body paragraph: Here it's often a good idea (but you don't always have to do that) to talk about one of the author's supporting points - In this case: men's identity is in their work;

 

 

b) Explanation followed by one or more examples: You expand on your topic with your explanation, clarification, examples, etc.;

 

 

c) It's usually good to make a comment to conclude the body paragraph.

 

 

Second body paragraph

 

a) 2^nd topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph (usually). It's your first main idea (not the author's) of the body paragraph: Here it's often a good idea (but you don't always have to do that) to talk about one of the author's supporting points - In this case: men's identity is in their work;

 

 

b) Explanation followed by one or more examples: You expand on your topic with your explanation, clarification, examples, etc.;

 

 

c) It's usually good to make a comment to conclude the body paragraph.

 

 

Third body paragraph (Optional - Two body are ok, as long as you have a lot of details (expansion) in the two.)

 

a) 3nd topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph (usually). It's your first main idea (not the author's) of the body paragraph: Here it's often a good idea (but you don't always have to do that) to talk about one of the author's supporting points - In this case: men's identity is in their work;

 

 

b) Explanation followed by one or more examples: You expand on your topic with your explanation, clarification, examples, etc.;

 

 

c) It's usually good to make a comment to conclude the body paragraph.

 

 

(Conclusion)

Summarize your own main points and maybe write your takeaway(s).