Read passage and respond with your thoughts.

In my family of origin, one clear, unspoken rule was this: "Mom's in charge.

That may have been true of my dad and brother, as well. I remember Mom asking us where we wanted to go out to eat, for example, and each of us providing input and even agreeing with each other. But if our ideas didn't match whatever idea Mom already had in her head, they would be rejected. That pattern taught us to remain quiet whenever she asked our opinion. In fact, it taught me to be quiet in general, acquiescing in most group situations to whatever the strongest personality wanted to do.

I see my dad continuing that pattern with my mom. He will do what she wants to do, spending their free time going to the theater or driving to see the leaves change color, for example, when I know he'd rather get out of the car to hike through those leaves. Over time, her hobbies and preferences have become his, and I suspect that's only because of the power she is able to have over him.

I was the obedient child, often the Caretaker when my dad wasn't around to fill that role. He was the original Caretaker, something I couldn't see until I was an adult. He would do anything to keep Mom happy, including taking her side in conflicts even when it was clear she was overreacting. I learned from him how to enable her unhealthy behavior.

I slipped into the role of Golden Child when my older brother decided to stand up to Mom's impossible demands. I think he could see her issues before anyone else could, and he chose not to "play that game." As a result, he became the Scapegoat, and my mom would often complain to me about his disobedience. While I relished the extra attention and love she gave me, eventually I could see the harm it was doing to her relationship with my brother and mine. Because I didn't learn to assert myself until I was grown and living on my own, I coped by avoiding spending time with her whenever possible. Now I take great care not to enable negative behaviors and to learn and state my own preferences rather than staying quiet. However, I continue to see my dad enabling my mom, who is still in charge of their household.

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