William has drafted the following email message to the HR manager of Hi$-$Tech Systems, enquiring if the company has a position open for Software Developer.

$1.$Analyze the message and point out errors that will likely reduce the effectiveness of the communication.

$2.$Redraft the email by following the tips for effective email messages.

From: willam.chandler@mail.com

To: lily.shafton@hitechsystems.com

Subject: Need help

Hi Lily,

Thank you for your time. I am a graduate in Computer Engineering from the University of Waterloo. I am presently looking for a job as a software developer and am interested in working for Hi$-$Tech Systems.

I have been following the company for several years now, and IMHO, it is the best place for a fresher in the industry to learn and grow. Hi$-$Tech Systems has distinguished itself as the company to have filed for the HIGHEST NUMBER OF PATENTS in $2010!$ It has also been selected as EMPLOYER OF THE YEAR by leading business magazines for four years in a row. I mean, what's not to like?

I passed with honours at Waterloo and received the "MOST PROMISING STUDENT OF THE YEAR" prize at our graduation. I am a good team player, voted leader of my student team.

PFA my r$$sum$.$ Please let me know if you have a suitable position open for me$.$ I hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,

William Chandler