5.6 Identify and use appropriate responding skills.

• Stop: Work to turn off competing mental messages that distract your listening focus.
• To overcome self barriers to listening effectively, consciously become aware of your drifting attention.
Then, to get back in synch, use self-talk skills and emotion management skills (such as deep breathing) to remain calm and focused on the message, not the messenger.
• To overcome information-processing listening barriers, make mental summaries of the message you hear, recognize when you are tired and not at your listening best, take effective notes, and remain focused.
• To overcome context listening barriers, become aware of your best and worst times of the day for listening; consciously intensify your concentration if you know you’re not at your listening best;
and assertively take action, such as closing a door or a window, to reduce external noise when listening.
• Look: Listen with your eyes to discern nonverbal information that provides important information about emotions, attitudes, and relationship cues.
• Listen: Work to link facts and details with major ideas you hear.
• Respond: Use effective responding skills by providing feedback that is descriptive, timely, brief, and useful while remaining an active listener.
• Be empathic: Try to imagine how you would feel in a situation like the one your communication partner is in. To confirm your interpretation of his or her message, ask appropriate clarifying questions and then paraphrase both the content and the emotions expressed.
• Paraphrase by briefly summarizing the message in your own words while trying to accurately capture the essence of what your listening partner said; don’t add to the information presented when paraphrasing.