How effective is the following letter of appreciation?

How could it be improved? Present your findings in a brief memo to your instructor.

914 Imperial Boulevard Durham, NC 27708 November 13, 2016 Mr. Ronald O’Shea Division Engineering Safeway Electronics, Inc.

Holland, MI 49423 Dear Mr. O’Shea:

Thanks very much for showing me around your plant. I hope I was able to convince you that I’m the best person for the job.

Sincerely yours, Robert Harad