At what point does behavior some might consider impolite—for instance, actions that might offend others, such as answering emails during a meeting or even playing games because you are bored or tired—cross the line into unethical behavior? One afternoon, your team is assembled in a client’s conference room, pitching a new database system. This pitch concerns an important sale so, while a colleague presents your team’s slides detailing the benefits of your system, you watch the client’s team carefully for their reactions and take detailed notes on your smartphone.

The client’s chief information officer (CIO) and chief financial officer (CFO) are both present, and you are paying special attention to the CIO, watching her reaction to each feature mentioned during the presentation. By the end of the meeting, you have typed up a brief report that will help your team to prepare for the follow-up visit that is planned for the following week.

When you get back to your own office, your boss—the head of sales—is waiting for you. “This deal is dead in the water,” he says. “I just got a call from our client’s CFO, and she is furious. She says that you spent the entire meeting fiddling with your phone instead of paying attention. What on earth were you thinking?” While your boss is speaking, you feel your phone vibrating. You are expecting a call from another key client, one who does not like to have to chase you down—ever! Of course, clearly this is not a good time to take a call.

But it also is not a good moment to lose a key client either. You know the phone currently is set to ring with a sound after three vibrating alerts