After reading the Tannen article, using the concepts of Relational Dialectics, chart the dialectical tensions in one of your close relationships.

Describe how you might use temporal selection, topical segmentation, neutralization or reframing to better manage the above tensions. Use quotes, paraphrasing or summaries from our assigned readings to support your ideas.

Understanding and Managing Dialectical Tensions in Relationships

Have you ever wanted two opposing things – at the same time – in your relationship? Have you and your partner ever struggled over competing wants and needs, like how much time was the right amount to spend together, what things should be kept private between you or shared with your friends and family, or whether to try something new? If so, you’ve experienced a relational dielectric.

Relational dielectrics are opposing forces or tensions that effect relationships and can never be fully eliminated. At any one time, one or both people in a relationship may be aware of these tensions. The challenge for relationship partners is meaning the dielectric in ways the satisfy the needs of both partners.

A primary tension in relationships is the dialectic of expression, which is also known as the openness–closeness dielectric. It is tension you feel at a specific point in time between sharing intimate ideas (being open with your partner) and the conflicting feelings of maintaining privacy (being closed). When getting to know each other, both Zeke and Madison disclosed quite a bit about themselves. But Zeke always told Madison more than she told him. Madison comes from an alcoholic family, so she has learned to keep secrets, making disclosure harder for her. In other words, the open quadrant of Zeke’s Johari window in their relationship is quite large, whereas Madison’s is smaller. As their relationship stabilized, Zeke continued to disclose but noticed that Madison seemed to be withdrawing and not sharing as much as he was. The fact that Zeke and Madison differed in their preferred levels of self-disclosure was one source of tension they needed to manage to sustain the relationship.