8. The Emotional Connection of Distinguishing Differences and Conflict Carole G. Parker In recent years, diversity in organizations has been an exciting, stimulating, frustrating, and intriguing topic. Some organizations continue to struggle for diversity whereas others have a fully integrated diverse workforce. The challenge to increase and manage diversity continues to be critical to organizational goals, particularty as more organizations, large and small, transact business internationally. Some organizations work to appreciate diversity and value differences, whereas others continue to discount differences and diversity. Smart managers today realize the importance of balance in work groups. Attempts to incorporate differences in age, gender, race, culture, sexual preference, and styles of being in their organizations to capitalize on the incredible potential diversity offers are occurring. Managing differences requires energy, commitment, tolerance, and finally, appreciation among all parties involved. Differences among people are not inherently good or bad; there is no one \"right\" way to deal with differences. Learning to manage and ultimately appreciate differences requires learning, emotional growth, and stretching the boundaries of all participants. Although differences can be challenging, they also lead to very important benefits, both to individuals, groups and organizations. ow Differences Are Often Managed What action and factors must be uppermost in selecting the most appropriate approach to addressing differences? Often avoidance or repression is used to manage differences. The avoidance of differences often takes the form of associating with individuals of similar backgrounds, experiences, beliefs, and values. This strategy enables an environment of mutual support and predictability. Those who are adverse to risk or challenges are apt to select this strategy. Another avoidance strategy is to separate individuals who create sparks between each other. Although this strategy may reduce tension, it minimizes the opportunity for individuals and the organization to leam and grow. The repression of ditferenoes occurs when an individual or organization refuses to allow disagreements to emerge. Top management often influences the culture by stressing conformity, which naturally affects diversity. Statements by managers such as: "We must work on this project in a professional and collegial man ner,\" or "By working together cooperatively, we will succeed during these difficult times,\" create the boundaries for behavior limited to cooperation, collaboration, and loyalty and limit the opportunity for challenging assumptions, testing new ideas, and strategies for success. Repression is quite costly. Resistances develop that have both organizational and individual consequences. Blocking strong teelings Positive Aspects of Differences . Differences are opportunities. The old adage \"Two heads are better than one\" has merit. When combining multiple perspectives, one gains a richer set of experiences, and the variability of these often leads to a more creative approach than could be achieved independently. . Differences are tests to the strength of a position. One needs to be sure all the perspectives, opinions, and perceptions enhance the final product. A healthy interaction among differences (gender, age, race, culture, etc} could address the preceding concerns. Two factors influence the treatment of differences: first, the needs, wants and goals of the individual; and second, the value placed on the relationship. People are often motivated bythe desire to meet their needs and satisfvtheir wants and desires. The stronger the motivation, the greater the likelihood of addressing differences. Furthermore, when the persons involved are important to each other, or valued, the tendency to manage the difference increases to preserve the relationship. The reverse is likely when there is no value in the relationship. Once these factors are assessed, it becomes necessary to recognize behavior and attitudes that will be helpful in managing the differences. Differences are not problems to be solved; they are dilemmas to be managed. Successful managers of difference reduce theirjudgments and accept the difference as legitimate. Clear boundaries between self and others, a willingness and interest in being influenced, and an awareness of choice with the ability to make choices are also helpful. Using strong language such as ought to, cannot, necessary, impossible, regutrement, or mandate will diminish success. Differences are experienced from contact with others who are dissimilar. A range of life experiences and success in interpersonal relationships support the ability to deal with differences. Individuals who have travelled nationally and internationally or who have had unusual experiences beyond the normal scope of their daily activities tend to develop an appreciation for differences, even though at the time of initial contact there may have been challenges, tear, and longing for what is familiar. Managing differences is not an individual process; it is interactive among individuals. When only one individual is attempting to deal with the difference, the result is coping behavior. Dealing with differences evokes emotion. A range of emotions for human interaction that leads to awareness of differences is necessary. These emotions can lead to conflict but conflict is not a prerequisite to managing differences. Differences evoke emotions, ranging from small or minor to large and major. An inverted tn'angle graphically shows the escalating intensity in each level of emotion as differences are encountered {see gure 1.2}. 8. The Emotional Connection of Distinguishing Differences and Conflict Anger, often a protective strategy, shifts the emotions to the next levelI and hostility erupts while the dispute solidifies. Each party has a firm stance reflecting their position. The final level is conflict or war, where each party works hard to repress, neutralize or destroy the other. In Figure 1, we suggest that an individual, group, organization, or society may, depending on the situation, traverse through each of these emotional levels when encountering differences. The process is not necessarily a linear one. Emotions run deep on various issues and could erupt immediately from awareness to hostility or anger or any other step on the triangle. In fact, awareness can lead to avoidance, tolerance, or appreciation. Recent history ends itself to application to the triangle. In 1993, terrorists, who had different values and beliefs than most Americans, bombed the New York City World Trade Center. The explosion caused six deaths, 1,042 'njuries, and nearly $600 million in damages. Americans were shocked, and then President Clinton declared that every effort should be taken to bring those responsible to justice. Swift actions lead to the prosecutior and conviction of four of seven coconspirators. Yet, the American public, although outraged and fr'ghtened by the experience, only demonstrated minimal awareness that there were dramatic differences between the U.S. foreign policy and those on the receiving end of the policy. Not until seven years later, witi' the attacks on the World Trade Center, along with the Pentagon, did awareness shift to outrage, anger, hostility, and ultimately conflict/war. During the aftermath ofthe events of September 1 1, 2001, when thousands of people from many countries met their peril in the attack on the World Trade Center, the United States unified against all who would harm her. In many instances, those who disagreed with the policy to go to war against those responsible for this terrorist act were afraid to speak out. It was considered anti-American to express different opinions about how to handle terrorist activity focused on the United States. Such behavior is an example of groupthink, mentioned earlier in this chapter. The government is particularly susceptible to groupthink where patriotism must be at the highest, yet evidence of dissent tends to make its way to the media, newsprint, or television. Still, individuals may be reluctant to speak candidly against the actions of government policy. Conflict, at the top of the triangle, may result or emerge from differences. There are many definitions of conflict. Listed here are typical examples of definitions: 1. Conflict exists when two or more parties want the same thing or their wants are incompatible in some way. 2. Conflict must involve emotionality; it is a disturbing emotion within ourselves and may involve feelings of anger and frustration. 3. The higher the stakes, the greater the conflict; one must care to have conflict. 41 4. Conflict can be internal: within oneself, a group, or between groups. Conflict involves competition of wants and viewpoints. 5. Conflict can be enjoyable.I ne :mouonal uonnecuon Emotional intelligence is one key to developing the ability to manage and appreciate differences. Emotional intelligence involves at least five elements: awareness of self, the ability to recognize personal emotions when they are occurring; managing self, which involves awareness of and engaging in emotions t'iat are appropriate to a situation; selfmotivation, putting emotional energy into action fora useful person and controlling emotions when necessary; awareness of emotions in others, which involves empathy and demonstrating caring when appropriate; and finallyI managing interpersonal relationships. which involves dealing with both sell and others in social, professional and personal interactions (Goleman, 1995}. Emotional intelligence. then, is the ability to be aware of, name, and manage individual experience of emotions. The tn'angle in Figure '1 illustrates the escalating intensity of emotions when differences are mismanaged or misunderstood and develop into conflict. Managers must recognize that it is the diversity in styles of interacting and the particular waya person or group makes meaning of their experience that creates the experience of difference. Difference enables choice and opportunity as much as it may create tension and insecurity; this also enables the organization to achieve its objectives. Differences provide opportunities to develop our emotional intelligence. According to lGherniss and Goleman (2001). managers and workers who develop their emotional intelligence may be able to improve their effectiveness at work and potential for advancement. in addition. personal relationships will also improve and strengthen when an Tolerance as a strategy may be inuenced by status within the organization. Managers generally have the power and authon'ty to get their viewpoints adopted. Nonmanagers often must compromise or tolerate the views of their managers, even when they feel the freedom to express an opposing viewpoint. Oftentimes, adopting tolerance is necessary because it allows for the expression of differences; however, when there is an imbalance of power, the options for influence are limited. The upside of tolerance is an individuals opportunity to express a point of view that is active involvement rather than passive participation in an event. Conflict as a strategy may also serve some purpose. Conflict involves direct and active resistance to another and may involve judgments of good, bad, right, or wrong. Often conflict occurs more openly among managers, who have higher status and more latitude than subordinates in resisting a point of view or directives of each other and top management. Finally, appreciation of differences or diversity demonstrates a high degree of personal development and growth at the individual level. The process of appreciation involves a collaborative interaction among various parties with differences. When differences are appreciated, there are usually organizational norms that support the freedom of expression without fear of reprisal. With the ability to discuss differences openly, using a dialectical process, parties are often able to employ multiple strategies, resulting ultimately in appreciation. Appreciation results from applying the skills of emotional intelligence mentioned eartier. Developing healthy ways to acknowledge and respond to diversity (differences) and the emotions evoked increases our ability to not only manage ourselves but also to manage others in workplace and personal settings. Employing a combination of strategies such as conflict, avoidance, tolerance, and appreciation