Chapter 2 - WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES

1. CONVERSATIONAL BUT PROFESSIONAL

Your Task. Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.

1. Per your recent email, the undersigned takes pride in informing you that we are pleased to be able to participate in the Toys for Tots drive.
2. Yo, Jeff! Look, dude, I need you to sweet talk Ramona so we can drop this budget thingy in her lap.

2. POSITIVE AND COURTEOUS EXPRESSION

Your Task. Revise the following statements to make them more positive.

1. Employees are not allowed to use instant messaging until a company policy is established
2. We must withhold authorizing payment of your consultant's fees because our CPA claims that your work is incomplete.

3. BIAS-FREE LANGUAGE

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to reduce gender, racial, ethnic, age, and disability bias.

1. Every employee must wear his photo identification on the job.
2. Does each salesman have his own smartphone loaded with his special sales information?

4. PLAIN LANGUAGE AND FAMILIAR WORDS

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to use plain language and familiar words.

1. The salary we are offering is commensurate with remuneration for other manager
2. To expedite ratification of this agreement, we urge you to vote in the affirmative.

5. PRECISE, VIGOROUS WORDS

Your Task. From the choices in parentheses, select the most precise, vigorous words.

1. Government economists (say, hypothesize, predict) that employment will (stabilize, stay the same, even out) next year.
2. The World Bank sees international trade as a (good, fine, vital) tool for (decreasing, changing, addressing) poverty

Chapter 3 - WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES

1. SENTENCE FAULTS

Your Task. In each of the following sentences, identify the sentence fault (fragment, run-on, comma splice). Then revise the sentence to remedy the fault.

1. Darcy agreed to change her password. Even though she thought her old one was just fine.
2. Major soft-drink companies considered a new pricing strategy, they tested vending machines that raise prices in hot weather.

2. EMPHASIS

Your Task. For each of the following sentences, choose (a) or (b). Be prepared to justify your choice.

1. Which is more emphatic?
2. Our dress code is fine.
3. Our dress code reflects common sense and good taste.

or

1. Which de-emphasizes the refusal?
2. Although our resources are committed to other projects this year, we hope to be able to contribute to your worthy cause next year.
3. We can't contribute to your charity this year.

3. ACTIVE VOICE

Your Task. Business writing is more forceful when it uses active-voice verbs. Revise the following sentences so that verbs are in the active voice. Put the emphasis on the doer of the action.

Passive: Antivirus software was installed by Ching on his computer.

Active: Ching installed antivirus software on his computer.

1. Employees were given their cheques at 4 p.m. every Friday by the manager.
2. The managers with the most productive departments were commended by the CEO.

4. PASSIVE VOICE ()

Your Task. Revise the following sentences so that they are in the passive voice.

1. The auditor discovered a computational error in the company's tax figures.
2. We discovered the error too late to correct the balance sheet.

5. PARALLELISM

Your Task. Revise the following sentences so that their parts are balanced.

1. (Hint: Match active voice.) If you have decided to cancel our service, please cut your credit card in half and the pieces should be returned to us.
2. (Hint: Match adjective-noun expressions.) The committee will continue to monitor merchandise design, product quality, and check the feedback of customers.

Chapter 4 - WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES

1. FLABBY EXPRESSIONS

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby expressions.

1. We are sending a revised proposal at this point in time due to the fact that building costs have jumped at a considerable rate.
2. In the normal course of events, we would seek additional funding; however, in view of the fact that rates have increased, we cannot.

2. LONG LEAD-INS

Your Task. Revise the following to eliminate long lead-ins.

1. This is an announcement to tell you that all computer passwords must be changed every six months for security purposes.
2. We are sending this memo to notify everyone that anyone who wants to apply for telecommuting may submit an application immediately.

3. THERE IS/ARE AND IT IS/WAS FILLERS

Your Task. Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/are and it is/was fillers.

1. There is a password-checker that is now available that can automatically evaluate the strength of your password.
2. It is careless or uninformed individuals who are the most vulnerable to computer hackers.

4. REDUNDANCIES

Your Task. Revise the following to avoid redundancies.

1. The manager repeated again his warning that we must use strong passwords.
2. Although the two files seem exactly identical, we should proofread each and every page.

5. EMPTY WORDS

Your Task. Revise the following to eliminate empty words.

1. Are you aware of the fact that social media can drive brand awareness and customer loyalty?
2. With such a degree of active participation on Facebook and Twitter, it's easy to understand why businesses are flocking to social media sites.

6. STALE BUSINESS PHRASES

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to eliminate stale business phrases.

1. Pursuant to your request, I will submit your repair request immediately.
2. As per your request, we are sending the contract under separate cover.

7. CLICHS, SLANG, BUZZWORDS, AND WORDINESS (OBJ. 2)

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to avoid confusing clichs, slang, buzzwords, and wordiness.

1. Our manager insists that we must think outside the box in promoting our new kitchen tool.
2. I think we should be careful with budgets on a go-forward basis.

Chapter 5 - WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISES

1. MESSAGE OPENERS AND SUBJECT LINES (OBJ. 1)

Your Task. Compare the following sets of message openers. Choose the letter of the opener that illustrates a direct opening (2 marks).

Write an appropriate subject line for each opening paragraph (2 marks).

1. An email announcing a low-cost daycare program:
2. Employees interested in enrolling their children in our new low-cost daycare program are invited to attend an HR orientation on January 18.
3. For several years we have studied the possibility of offering a daycare option for those employees who are parents. Until recently, our management team was unable to agree on the exact parameters of this benefit, but now some of you will be able to take advantage of this option.

What would you write as a subject line:

1. A memo announcing a new policy:
2. It has come to our attention that some staff members write blogs, sometimes publicly addressing sensitive company information. Although we respect the desire of employees to express themselves and would like to continue allowing the practice, we have decided to adopt a new policy providing binding rules to ensure the company's and the bloggers' safety.
3. The following new policy for blog authors will help staff members create posts that maintain the integrity of the company's sensitive information and keep writers safe.

What would you write as a subject line:

2. GRAMMAR/MECHANICS

Choose a or b to indicate the sentence in which the idea is expressed more effectively.

1. a. Your iPad was more expensive than mine.

b. Your iPad was more expensive then mine.

1. a. Do you know where the meeting is at?

b. Do you know where the meeting is?