December 31, 2021

To the friendly student tax preparer:

Hi, its Shady Slim again. I just got back from my 55th birthday party, and Im told that you need some more information from me in order to complete my tax return. Im an open book! Ill tell you whatever I think you need to know.

Let me tell you a few more things about my life. As you may recall, I am divorced from my wife, Alice. I know that it's unusual, but I have custody of my son, Shady Jr. The judge owed me a few favors and I really love the kid. He lives with me full time and my ex-wife gets him every other weekend. I pay the vast majority of my son's expenses. I think Alice should have to pay some child support, but she doesn't have to pay a dime. The judge didn't owe me that much, I guess.

I had to move this year after getting my job at Roca Cola. We moved on February 3 of this year, and I worked my job at Roca Cola for the rest of the year. I still live in the same state, but I moved 500 miles away from my old house. I hired a moving company to move our stuff at a cost of $2,490, and I drove Junior in my car. Junior and I got a hotel room along the way that cost us $65 (I love Super 8!).

Can you believe Im still paying off my student loans, even after 15 years? I paid a total of $21,600 in interest on my old student loans this year.

Remember when I told you about that guy that hit me with his car? I had a bunch of medical expenses that were not reimbursed by the lawsuit or by my insurance. I incurred a total of $21,900 in medical expenses, and I was only reimbursed for $11,950. Good thing I can write off medical expenses, right?

I contributed a lot of money to charity this year (and have receipt documentation for all contributions). Im such a nice guy! I gave $1,190 in cash to the March of Dimes. I contributed some of my old furniture to the church. It was some good stuff! I contributed a red velvet couch and my old recliner. The furniture is considered vintage and is worth $5,950 today (the appraiser surprised me!), even though I only paid $1,190 for it back in the day. When I contributed the furniture, the pastor said he didnt like the fabric and was going to sell the furniture to pay for some more pews in the church. Oh well, some people just have no taste, right? Roca Cola had a charity drive for the United Way this year and I contributed $204. Turns out, I dont even miss it because Roca Cola takes it right off my paycheck every month . . . $34 a month starting in July. My pay stub verifies that I contributed the $204 to the United Way. Oh, one other bit of charity from me this year. An old buddy of mine was down on his luck. He lost his job and his house. I gave him $595 to help him out.

I paid a lot of money in interest this year. I paid a total of $1,140 in personal credit card interest. I also paid $21,600 in interest on my $600,000 home mortgage that helped me buy my dream home. I also paid $2,380 in real estate taxes for my new house.

A few other things I want to tell you about this year. Someone broke into my house and stole my kid's brand new bicycle and my set of golf clubs. The total loss from theft was $1,090. I paid $220 in union dues this year. I had to pay $1,200 for new suits for my job. Roca Cola requires its managers to wear suits every day on the job. I spent a total of $1,490 to pay for gas to commute to my job this year.

Oh, this is pretty cool. I've always wanted to be a firefighter. I spent $1,590 in tuition to go to the local firefighter's school. I did this because someone told me that I can deduct the tuition as an itemized deduction, so the money would be coming back to me.

That should be all the information you need right now. Please calculate my taxable income and complete page 1 of Form 1040 (through taxable income, line 15) and Schedule A. You're still doing this for free, right?