Habit #4 - Think Win/Win - Write a one-page assessment of how you can use this habit in your life and career. Please include 3-4 concepts from the chapter in the discussion.

239 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN 238 THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satis- basis of conformity to their expectations and norms, providing ad- tying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win sees ditional scripting toward Win/Lose. The academic world reinforces Win/Lose scripting. The "nor- life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Most people tend to mal distribution curve" basically says that you got an "A" because think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball someone else got a "C." It interprets an individual's value by win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It's comparing him or her to everyone else. No recognition is given to based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is intrinsic value; everyone is extrinsically defined. based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one "Oh, how nice to see you here at our PTA meeting. You ought to person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others. be really proud of your daughter, Caroline. She's in the upper ten Win/Win is a belief in the third alternative. It's not your way or percent."" my way; it's a better way, a higher way. "That makes me feel good." "But your son, Johnny, is in trouble. He's in the lower quartile." Win/Lose "Really? Oh, that's terrible! What can we do about it?" What this kind of comparative information doesn't tell you is One alternative to Win/Win is Win/Lose, the paradigm of the that perhaps Johnny is going on all eight cylinders while Caroline race to Bermuda. It says "If I win, you lose." is coasting on four of her eight. But people are not graded against In leadership style, Win/Lose is the authoritarian approach: "I their potential or against the full use of their present capacity. get my way; you don't get yours." Win/Lose people are prone to They are graded in relation to other people. And grades are car- their way. use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get riers of social value; they open doors of opportunity or they close them. Competition, not cooperation, lies at the core of the edu- Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose men- cational process. Cooperation, in fact, is usually associated with tality since birth. First and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another- cheating. Another powerful programming agent is athletics, particularly when patience, understanding, or love is given or withdrawn on for young men in their high school or college years. Often they de- the basis of such comparisons-people are into Win/Lose think- velop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero-sum game ing. Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone where some win and some lose. "Winning" is "beating" in the has to earn love, what's being communicated to them is that they athletic arena. are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside Another agent is law. We live in a litigious society. The first them, it lies outside. It's in comparison with somebody else or thing many people think about when they get into trouble is su- against some expectation. ing someone, taking them to court, "winning" at someone else's And what happens to a young mind and heart, highly vulnera- expense. But defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative. ble, highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation Certainly we need law or else society will deteriorate. It pro- of the parents, in the face of conditional love? The child is molded, vides survival, but it doesn't create synergy. At best it results in shaped, and programmed in the Win/Lose mentality. compromise. Law is based on an adversarial concept. The re- "If I'm better than my brother, my parents will love me more." cent trend of encouraging lawyers and law schools to focus on 'My parents don't love me as much as they love my sister. I must peaceable negotiation, the techniques of Win/Win, and the use of not be as valuable." private courts, may not provide the ultimate solution, but it does Another powerful scripting agency is the peer group. A child reflect a growing awareness of the problem. first wants acceptance from his parents and then from his peers, Certainly there is a place for Win/Lose thinking in truly com- whether they be siblings or friends. And we all know how cruel petitive and low-trust situations. But most of life is not a compe- peers sometimes can be. They often accept or reject totally on the tition. We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse,241 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN 240 THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE our children, our coworkers, our neighbors, and our friends results because it draws on the often considerable strengths and "Who's winning in your marriage?" is a ridiculous question. talents of the people at the top. Lose/Win is weak and chaotic from both people aren't winning, both are losing Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality the outset. Many executives, managers, and parents swing back and forth, Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and as if on a pendulum, from Win/Lose inconsideration to Lose/Win others. And the Win/Lose mentality is dysfunctional to that coop indulgence. When they can't stand confusion and lack of structure, eration. direction, expectation, and discipline any longer, they swing back Lose/Win to Win/Lose-until guilt undermines their resolve and drives them back to Lose/Win-until anger and frustration drive them Some people are programmed the other way-Lose/Win. "I lose, you win." back to Win/Lose again. "Go ahead. Have your way with me." "Step on me again. Everyone does." Lose/Lose When two Win/Lose people get together-that is, when two de- "I'm a loser. I've always been a loser." termined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact-the result "I'm a peacemaker. I'll do anything to keep peace." will be Lose/Lose. Both will lose. Both will become vindictive and Lose/Win is worse than Win/Lose because it has no standards- want to "get back" or "get even," blind to the fact that murder is no demands, no expectations, no vision. People who think Lose/ suicide, that revenge is a two-edged sword. Win are usually quick to please or appease. They seek strength I know of a divorce in which the husband was directed by the from popularity or acceptance. They have little courage to express judge to sell the assets and turn over half the proceeds to his ex- their own feelings and convictions and are easily intimidated by wife. In compliance, he sold a car worth over $10,000 for $50 and the ego strength of others. gave $25 to the wife. When the wife protested, the court clerk In negotiation, Lose/Win is seen as capitulation-giving in or checked on the situation and discovered that the husband was giving up. In leadership style, it's permissiveness or indulgence. proceeding in the same manner systematically through all of the Lose/Win means being a nice guy, even if "nice guys finish last" assets. Win/Lose people love Lose/Win people because they can feed Some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally ob- on them. They love their weaknesses-they take advantage of sessed with the behavior of another person that they become blind them. Such weaknesses complement their strengths. to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it But the problem is that Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings. means losing themselves. Lose/Lose is the philosophy of adversar And unexpressed feelings never die: they're buried alive and come al conflict, the philosophy of war. forth later in uglier ways. Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly of Lose/Lose is also the philosophy of the highly dependent per- the respiratory, nervous, and circulatory systems, often are the son without inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone reincarnation of cumulative resentment, deep disappointment isn't so bad." else should be, too. "If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser and disillusionment repressed by the Lose/Win mentality. Dispro- portionate rage or anger, overreaction to minor provocation, and Win cynicism are other embodiments of suppressed emotion. People who are constantly repressing, not transcending feelings Another common alternative is simply to think Win. People toward a higher meaning, find that it affects the quality of their with the Win mentality don't necessarily want someone else to self-esteem and eventually the quality of their relationships with want. lose. That's irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they others. Both Win/Lose and Lose/Win are weak positions, based in per When there is no sense of contest or competition, Win is prob- sonal insecurities. In the short run, Win/Lose will produce more ably the most common approach in everyday negotiation. A per-HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN 247 form of Win/Win). But in many cases, it is possible to go into nego- & to- Hiation with a full Win/Win or No Deal attitude. And the freedom 1 the in that attitude is incredible. and FIVE DIMENSIONS OF WIN/WIN ange and Think Win/Win is the habit of interpersonal leadership. It in- volves the exercise of each of the unique human endowments- and self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will-in here our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual deas influence, mutual benefits. time, It takes great courage as well as consideration to create these d to mutual benefits, particularly if we're interacting with others who are deeply scripted in Win/Lose. nted That is why this habit involves principles of interpersonal they leadership. Effective interpersonal leadership requires the vision, sult, the proactive initiative, and the security, guidance, wisdom, and they power that come from principle-centered personal leadership. er or The principle of Win/Win is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out e be- of which flow agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where uing structure and systems are based on Win/Win. And it involves process; hich we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or Lose/Win 25 or means. The following diagram shows how these five dimensions relate Is go to each other. king pates larly and Win/Win Win/Win pers. Win/Win DUSI- CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS AGREEMENTS bility sell ently SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMS (4) AND PROCESSES (5) not No Now let's consider each of the five dimensions in turn. low249 248 HABIT 4 THINK WIN/WIN THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Character ego strength/empathy balance, the self-confidence/respect for oth- ers balance, the concern for people/concern for tasks balance, "I'm Character is the foundation of Win/Win, and everything else okay, you're okay" in transactional analysis language, or 9.1, 1.9, builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential 5.5, 99, in management grid language-the quality sought for is to the Win/Win paradigm. the balance of what I call courage and consideration. Respect for this quality is deeply ingrained in the theory of hu- INTEGRITY. We've already defined integrity as the value we place man interaction, management, and leadership. It is a deep embod- on ourselves. Habits 1, 2, and 3 help us develop and maintain in- iment of the P/PC Balance. While courage may focus on getting tegrity. As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize the golden egg, consideration deals with the long-term welfare of and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop the other stakeholders. The basic task of leadership is to increase the self-awareness and independent will by making and keeping standard of living and the quality of life for all stakeholders. meaningful promises and commitments. There's no way to go for a Win in our own lives if we don't even know, in a deep sense, what constitutes a Win-what is, in fact, HIGH harmonious with our innermost values. And if we can't make and keep commitments to ourselves as well as to others, our com- mitments become meaningless. We know it; others know it. They Win/Win sense duplicity and become guarded. There's no foundation of Lose/Win trust and Win/Win becomes an ineffective superficial technique Integrity is the cornerstone in the foundation. MATURITY. Maturity is the balance between courage and consider- CONSIDERATION ation. I first learned this definition of maturity in the fall of 1955 from a marvelous professor, Hrand Saxenian, who instructed my Control class at the Harvard Business School. He taught the finest, simplest, most practical, yet profound, definition of emo- tional maturity I've ever come across-"the ability to express one's Lose/Lose Win/Lose own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others." As a part of his doctoral research, Saxenian had developed this criterion over years of historical and direct field research. He later wrote up his original research for- LOW mat in its completeness with supportive reasoning and application suggestions in a Harvard Business Review article (January-February LOW HIGH 1958). Even though it is complementary and also developmental, Hrand's use of the word maturity is different from its use in the 7 Habits "Maturity Continuum," which focuses on a growth and COURAGE development process from dependency through independency to Many people think in dichotomies, in either/or terms. They interdependency. If you examine many of the psychological tests used for hiring think if you're nice, you're not tough. But Win/Win is nice . . . and promoting, and training purposes, you will find that they are tough. It's twice as tough as Win/Lose. To go for Win/Win, you designed to evaluate this kind of maturity. Whether it's called the not only have to be nice, you have to be courageous. You not only251 250 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE have to be empathic, you have to be confident. You not only have Often, people with a Scarcity Mentality harbor secret hopes that to be considerate and sensitive, you have to be brave. To do that, others might suffer misfortune-not terrible misfortune, but ac- to achieve that balance between courage and consideration, is the ceptable misfortune that would keep them "in their place." They're essence of real maturity and is fundamental to Win/Win. always comparing, always competing. They give their energies to If I'm high on courage and low on consideration, how will possessing things or other people in order to increase their sense think? Win/Lose. I'll be strong and ego bound. I'll have the cour age of my convictions, but I won't be very considerate of yours. of worth. They want other people to be the way they want them to be. To compensate for my lack of internal maturity and emotional They often want to clone them, and they surround themselves strength, I might borrow strength from my position and power, or with "yes" people-people who won't challenge them, people who from my credentials, my seniority, my affiliations. If I'm high on consideration and low on courage, I'll think Lose/ are weaker than they. It's difficult for people with a Scarcity Mentality to be members Win. I'll be so considerate of your convictions and desires that of a complementary team. They look on differences as signs of in- won't have the courage to express and actualize my own. High courage and consideration are both essential to Win/Win subordination and disloyalty. The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a It is the balance that is the mark of real maturity. If I have it, I can deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm confront. listen, I can empathically understand, but I can also courageously that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity. ABUNDANCE MENTALITY. The third character trait essential to Win/ The Abundance Mentality takes the personal joy, satisfaction, Win is the Abundance Mentality, the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody. and fulfillment of Habits 1, 2, and 3 and turns it outward, appre- ciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, the proactive nature of Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Men- others. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interac- tality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were tive growth and development, creating new third alternatives. only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of Public Victory does not mean victory over other people. It the pie, it would mean less for everybody else. The Scarcity Men- tality is the zero-sum paradigm of life. means success in effective interaction that brings mutually bene- ficial results to everyone involved. Public Victory means working People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time shar- together, communicating together, making things happen together ing recognition and credit, power or profit-even with those who that even the same people couldn't make happen by working inde- help in the production. They also have a very hard time being gen- pendently. And Public Victory is an outgrowth of the Abundance uinely happy for the successes of other people-even, and some- times especially, members of their own family or close friends and Mentality paradigm. A character rich in integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Men- associates. It's almost as if something is being taken from them when someone else receives special recognition or a windfall gain tality has a genuineness that goes far beyond technique, or lack of it, in human interaction. or has remarkable success or achievement. One thing I have found particularly helpful to Win/Lose peo- Although they might verbally express happiness for others' ple in developing a Win/Win character is to associate with some success, inwardly they are eating their hearts out. Their sense of model or mentor who really thinks Win/Win. When people are worth comes from being compared, and someone else's success, to deeply scripted in Win/Lose or other philosophies and regularly some degree, means their failure. Only so many people can be "A" associate with others who are likewise scripted, they don't have students; only one person can be "number one." To "win" simply much opportunity to see and experience the Win/Win philosophy means to "beat." in action. So I recommend reading literature, such as the inspiring253 252 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE biography of Anwar Sadat, In Search of Identity, and seeing movies ier when both parties are aware of and committed to it and where like Chariots of Fire or plays like Les Miserables that expose you in models of Win/Win. there is a high Emotional Bank Account in the relationship. When you're dealing with a person who is coming from a par- But remember: If we search deeply enough within ourselves. adigm of Win/Lose, the relationship is still the key. The place to beyond the scripting, beyond the learned attitudes and behaviors focus is on your Circle of Influence. You make deposits into the the real validation of Win/Win, as well as every other correct principle, is in our own lives. Emotional Bank Account through genuine courtesy, respect, and appreciation for that person and for the other point of view. You Relationships stay longer in the communication process, You listen more, you listen in greater depth. You express yourself with greater courage. From the foundation of character, we build and maintain Win/ You aren't reactive. You go deeper inside yourself for strength of Win relationships. The trust, the Emotional Bank Account, is the character to be proactive. You keep hammering it out until the essence of Win/Win. Without trust, the best we can do is compro other person begins to realize that you genuinely want the resolu- mise; without trust, we lack the credibility for open, mutual learn- tion to be a real win for both of you. That very process is a tremen- ing and communication and real creativity. dous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. But if our Emotional Bank Account is high, credibility is no lon- And the stronger you are-the more genuine your character, the ger an issue. Enough deposits have been made so that you know higher your level of proactivity, the more committed you really and I know that we deeply respect each other. We're focused on are to Win/Win-the more powerful your influence will be with the issues, not on personalities or positions. that other person. This is the real test of interpersonal leadership. Because we trust each other, we're open. We put our cards on It goes beyond transactional leadership into transformational leader- the table. Even though we see things differently, I know that you're ship, transforming the individuals involved as well as the relation- willing to listen with respect while I describe the young woman to you, and you know that I'll treat your description of the old ship. Because Win/Win is a principle people can validate in their woman with the same respect. We're both committed to try to own lives, you will be able to bring most people to a realization understand each other's point of view deeply and to work together that they will win more of what they want by going for what you for the third alternative, the synergistic solution, that will be a bet both want. But there will be a few who are so deeply embedded in ter answer for both of us. the Win/Lose mentality that they just won't think Win/Win. So A relationship where bank accounts are high and both parties remember that No Deal is always an option. Or you may occasion- are deeply committed to Win/Win is the ideal springboard for ally choose to go for the low form of Win/Win-compromise. tremendous synergy (Habit 6). That relationship neither makes the It's important to realize that not all decisions need to be Win/ issues any less real or important, nor eliminates the differences in Win, even when the Emotional Bank Account is high. Again, the perspective. But it does eliminate the negative energy normally key is the relationship. If you and I worked together, for example, focused on differences in personality and position and creates a and you were to come to me and say, "Stephen, I know you won't positive, cooperative energy focused on thoroughly understanding like this decision. I don't have time to explain it to you, let alone the issues and resolving them in a mutually beneficial way. get you involved. There's a good possibility you'll think it's wrong. But what if that kind of relationship isn't there? What if you But will you support it?" have to work out an agreement with someone who hasn't even If you had a positive Emotional Bank Account with me, of heard of Win/Win and is deeply scripted in Win/Lose or some course I'd support it. I'd hope you were right and I was wrong. I'd other philosophy? work to make your decision work. Dealing with Win/Lose is the real test of Win/Win. Rarely is But if the Emotional Bank Account weren't there, and if I were Win/Win easily achieved in any circumstance. Deep issues and reactive, I wouldn't really support it. I might say I would to your fundamental differences have to be dealt with. But it is much eas- face, but behind your back I wouldn't be very enthusiastic. I255 254 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE wouldn't make the investment necessary to make it succeed. "It Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of didn't work," I'd say. "So what do you want me to do now?" If I were overreactive, I might even torpedo your decision and evaluation. Consequences specify-good and bad, natural and logical-what do what I could to make sure others did, too. Or I might become does and will happen as a result of the evaluation. "maliciously obedient" and do exactly and only what you tell me to do, accepting no responsibility for results. These five elements give Win/Win agreements a life of their During the five years I lived in Great Britain, I saw that country own. A clear mutual understanding and agreement up front in brought twice to its knees because the train conductors were mali- these areas creates a standard against which people can measure on paper. ciously obedient in following all the rules and procedures written their own success. Traditional authoritarian supervision is a Win/Lose paradigm. An agreement means very little in letter without the character It's also the result of an overdrawn Emotional Bank Account. If and relationship base to sustain it in spirit, So we need to approach you don't have trust or a common vision of desired results, you Win/Win from a genuine desire to invest in the relationships that make it possible. tend to hover over, check up on, and direct. Trust isn't there, so you feel as though you have to control people. Agreements But if the trust account is high, what is your method? Get out of their way. As long as you have an up-front Win/Win agreement From relationships flow the agreements that give definition and they know exactly what is expected, your role is to be a source and direction to Win/Win. They are sometimes called performance of help and to receive their accountability reports. agreements or partnership agreements, shifting the paradigm of It is much more ennobling to the human spirit to let people productive interaction from vertical to horizontal, from hovering judge themselves than to judge them. And in a high trust cul- supervision to self-supervision, from positioning to being partners ture, it's much more accurate. In many cases people know in their in success. hearts how things are going much better than the records show. Win/Win agreements cover a wide scope of interdependent in- Discernment is often far more accurate than either observation or teraction. We discussed one important application when we talked measurement. about delegation in the "Green and Clean" story in Habit 3. The same five elements we listed there provide the structure for Win/ Win/Win Management Training Win agreements between employers and employees, between in- Several years ago, I was indirectly involved in a consulting dependent people working together on projects, between groups project with a very large banking institution that had scores of of people cooperatively focused on a common objective, between branches. They wanted us to evaluate and improve their man- companies and suppliers-between any people who need to inter- agement training program, which was supported by an annual act to accomplish. They create an effective way to clarify and man- budget of $750,000. The program involved selecting college grad- age expectations between people involved in any interdependent uates and putting them through twelve two-week assignments in endeavor. various departments over a six-month period of time so that they In the Win/Win agreement, the following five elements are could get a general sense of the industry. They spent two weeks made very explicit: in commercial loans, two weeks in industrial loans, two weeks in marketing, two weeks in operations, and so forth. At the end of Desired results (not methods) identify what is to be done and when the six-month period, they were assigned as assistant managers in Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within the various branch banks. which results are to be accomplished. Our assignment was to evaluate the six-month formal training Resources identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational Period. As we began, we discovered that the most difficult part of the assignment was to get a clear picture of the desired results. support available to help accomplish the results.257 256 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE We asked the top executives the key hard question: "What should In talking with them later, we found that what many of them these people be able to do when they finish the program?" And the were really saying was, "We went through goat week; how come answers we got were vague and often contradictory. these guys don't have to?" But of course they couldn't put it that The training program dealt with methods, not results; so we way. "They lack seasoning" was a much more acceptable expres- suggested that they set up a pilot training program based on a different paradigm called "learner-controlled instruction." This In addition, for obvious reasons (including the $750,000 budget was a Win/Win agreement that involved identifying specific oh- sion. for a six-month program), the personnel department was upset. jectives and criteria that would demonstrate their accomplishment So we responded, "Fair enough. Let's develop some more object and identifying the guidelines, resources, accountability, and con- tives and attach criteria to them. But let's stay with the paradigm of sequences that would result when the objectives were met. The learner-controlled instruction." We hammered out eight more ob- consequences in this case were promotion to assistant manager, jectives with very tough criteria in order to give the executives the where they would receive the on-the-job part of their training, and assurance that the people were adequately prepared to be assistant a significant increase in salary. branch managers and continue the on-the-job part of the training We had to really press to get the objectives hammered out. program. After participating in some of the sessions where these "What is it you want them to understand about accounting? What criteria were developed, several of the executives remarked that if about marketing? What about real estate loans?" And we went the trainees could meet these tough criteria, they would be better down the list. They finally came up with more than one hundred prepared than almost any who had gone through the six-month objectives, which we simplified, reduced, and consolidated until we came down to thirty-nine specific behavioral objectives with program. We had prepared the trainees to expect resistance. We took the criteria attached to them. additional objectives and criteria back to them and said, "Just as The trainees were highly motivated by both the opportunity we expected, management wants you to accomplish some addi- and the increased salary to meet the criteria as soon as possible. tional objectives with even tougher criteria than before. They have There was a big win in it for them, and there was also a big win for assured us this time that if you meet these criteria, they will make the company because they would have assistant branch managers who met results-oriented criteria instead of just showing up for you assistant managers." They went to work in unbelievable ways. They went to the exec- twelve different activity traps. utives in departments such as accounting and basically said, "Sir, I So we explained the difference between learner-controlled in- am a member of this new pilot program called learner-controlled struction and system-controlled instruction to the trainees. We instruction, and it is my understanding that you participated in basically said, "Here are the objectives and the criteria. Here are developing the objectives and the criteria. the resources, including learning from each other. So go to it. As "I have six criteria to meet in this particular department. I was soon as you meet the criteria, you will be promoted to assistant able to pass three of them off with skills I gained in college; I was managers." able to get another one out of a book; I learned the fifth one from They were finished in three and a half weeks. Shifting the Tom, the fellow you trained last week. I only have one criterion left training paradigm had released unbelievable motivation and cre- to meet, and I wonder if you or someone else in the department ativity. might be able to spend a few hours with me to show me how." So As with many paradigm shifts, there was resistance. Almost all they spend half a day in a department instead of two weeks. of the top executives simply wouldn't believe it. When they were These trainees cooperated with each other, brainstormed with shown the evidence that the criteria had been met, they basically each other, and they accomplished the additional objectives in said, "These trainees don't have the experience. They lack the sea- a week and a half. The six-month program was reduced to five soning necessary to give them the kind of judgment we want them weeks, and the results were significantly increased. to have as assistant branch managers." This kind of thinking can similarly affect every area of organi-265 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN 264 THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE First, see the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to In families, parents can shift the focus from competition with each understand and to give expression to the needs and concerns of other to cooperation. In activities such as bowling, for example, the other party as well as or better than they can themselves. they can keep a family score and try to beat a previous one. They second, identify the key issues and concerns (not positions) in- can set up home responsibilities with Win/Win agreements that eliminate constant nagging and enable parents to do the things only they can do. solved. Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable A friend once shared with me a cartoon he'd seen of two chil- solution. And fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results. dren talking to each other. "If Mommy doesn't get us up soon," one was saying, "we're going to be late for school." These words Habits 5 and 6 deal directly with two of the elements of this brought forcibly to his attention the nature of the problems cre- process, and we will go into those in depth in the next two chap- basis. ated when families are not organized on a responsible Win/Win But at this juncture, let me point out the highly interrelated Win/Win puts the responsibility on the individual for accom- ters. plishing specified results within clear guidelines and available nature of the process of Win/Win with the essence of Win/Win resources. It makes a person accountable to perform and eval- itself. You can only achieve Win/Win solutions with Win/Win uate the results and provides consequences as a natural result processes-the end and the means are the same. of performance. And Win/Win systems create the environment Win/Win is not a personality technique. It's a total paradigm ments. that supports and reinforces the Win/Win performance agree- of human interaction. It comes from a character of integrity, ma- turity, and the Abundance Mentality. It grows out of high-trust relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify Processes and manage expectations as well as accomplishment. It thrives in There's no way to achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or supportive systems. And it is achieved through the process we are Lose/Win means. You can't say, "You're going to think Win/Win, now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6. whether you like it or not." So the question becomes how to arrive at a Win/Win solution. Roger Fisher and William Ury, two Harvard law professors, APPLICATION SUGGESTIONS: have done some outstanding work in what they call the "princi- 1. Think about an upcoming interaction wherein you will be pled" approach versus the "positional" approach to bargaining attempting to reach an agreement or negotiate a solution. in their tremendously useful and insightful book, Getting to Yes. Commit to maintain a balance between courage and con- Although the words Win/Win are not used, the spirit and under- sideration. lying philosophy of the book are in harmony with the Win/Win 2. Make a list of obstacles that keep you from applying the approach. Win/Win paradigm more frequently. Determine what They suggest that the essence of principled negotiation is to could be done within your Circle of Influence to eliminate separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests and some of those obstacles. not on positions, to invent options for mutual gain, and to insist on 3. Select a specific relationship where you would like to de- objective criteria-some external standard or principle that both velop a Win/Win agreement. Try to put yourself in the parties can buy into. other person's place, and write down explicitly how you In my own work with various people and organizations seeking Win/Win solutions, I suggest that they become involved in the fol- think that person sees the solution. Then list, from your own perspective, what results would constitute a Win for lowing four-step process: you. Approach the other person and ask if he or she would267 HABIT 4: THINK WIN/WIN 266 THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE felt it was our only course of action. Our legal team believed we be willing to communicate until you reach a point of agree- were in the right and would win the case. ment and mutually beneficial solution. In our last conversation, one of the owners of this technology 4. Identify three key relationships in your life. Give some in- company said to me, "I've known and respected your family for dication of what you feel the balance is in each of the Emo years, and I consider your uncle a good friend of mine. I always tional Bank Accounts. Write down some specific ways you could make deposits in each account. thought you were good people-until now." His words cut deeply, and I began to think, "Going legal is 5. Deeply consider your own scripting. Is it Win/Lose? How going to cost both of us hundreds of thousands of dollars. Surely does that scripting affect your interactions with other there is a better way." Not knowing if he would even talk to me people? Can you identify the main source of that script? I reached out to him a few days later and ventured, "Listen, it is Determine whether or not those scripts serve well in your going to cost both of us a lot of money if we go to court. Would current reality. you be willing to meet with me privately to see if we could find 6. Try to identify a model of Win/Win thinking who, even another way? Just you and me without the lawyers?" Reluctantly, in hard situations, really seeks mutual benefit. Determine he agreed. (By doing this, I went against our legal counsel, who felt that meeting with them might compromise our case in court. I example. now to more closely watch and learn from this person's felt it was worth the risk.) The next day, he came into my office. I said, "My intent is to find a win-win solution that we both feel good about. If we can't make a deal, then we can fight it out in the courts. I want to try, though. NEW INSIGHTS ON HABIT 4: Would you be willing to try?" "I don't know how we possibly could, but yeah, I'll try." THINK WIN-WIN "Help me understand how you see the situation," I said. I went to he whiteboard and wrote down everything he said, point by point, BY SEAN COVEY until about fifteen items were listed. I asked, "Is there anything Many years ago, our company, FranklinCovey, licensed our intel- else?" And he gave me a couple more points. I then said, "Let me lectual property (IP) to a small technology firm that was allowed walk through each of these to make sure I understand your point of to use it in their products. It seemed like a win-win partnership. view," and I repeated back each of his concerns one by one. They got to use our IP, we got financial remuneration. Things were After we reviewed them, I asked, "Do you feel like I understand fine at first. After a few years, however, we felt they were advertis- you?" ing in ways that damaged our brand and were contrary to what "Yes. I do." we had initially agreed. At that moment, the feeling in the room changed. For the first So I spoke with our partner and told them that their company time, he felt understood. I was deeply influenced, as well. I could needed to change their advertising or they would lose their license now clearly see why he felt the way he did and why he believed with us. Instead of complying, he replied, "We're not changing we were not fulfilling our part of the agreement. anything about how we advertise because we aren't doing anything wrong. In fact, it is your company that is violating the agreement." I then asked, "Would you mind if I shared how we see the sit- I couldn't believe his gall. I talked with our management team. uation?" I wrote down all of our points on the other half of the They felt it was too risky to continue the partnership and that we whiteboard. He listened intently, and I could tell that he under- needed to get our IP back. So I tried to negotiate a deal with them, stood where we were coming from and that he, too, was deeply but discussions quickly broke down and trust eroded. Although influenced. The energy suddenly turned positive and hopeful, and we always try to avoid going to court and have seldom done so, we understanding. we felt differently about each other. There was complete mutual