Hi everyone, the video I chose was The First 1000 Days. Personally, I relate to this theory. I was not born into the best of circumstances. My biological father was an alcoholic. He and my mom had a toxic relationship. When their relationship ended, my father was given three options: start paying child support, go to jail, or sign his parentage rights. He had chosen option three. When I was three years old, my mother married my adoptive father. He raised me as his own. I would never have thought that he wasn't my biological dad. When I was seven, they divorced. Throughout the rest of my mother's life, she was married an additional five times.

I lived in survival mode until I was 48 when I entered therapy. I have processed traumas from my toddler years throughout my entire life. It is no wonder I became an addict. Proudly I am in recovery and have become to understand so much of my past. I suffer from CPTSD (Complex Post-traumatic stress disorder). However, today I have been able to process why I became the person I am.

One memory I recall so vividly, I was three years old, locked in a bedroom, screaming, "why don't you love me" for what seemed to be an entire day. That was it since that day; I felt unloved, unworthy, afraid to share my feelings, and unwanted. We constantly moved around; I attended 6-grade schools. I never had the opportunity to grow strong relationships. I would try so hard to fit in, and just as I would start to feel good about where we were and settled somewhat, my mother would get divorced again, which always meant here we go to a new neighborhood and school. So I learned to become a chameleon. I lived in a state of constant fear, unsettled, and constantly worried about what tomorrow would be like, even into my adulthood.

After all, this being said, the central message of this video is how important the first 1000 days of a newborn's life are. I don't recall any memories with my mom where I ever got a hug, was encouraged or heard. I was 19 years old when I was finally told the truth about my dad. That was a horrible time of life. I felt betrayed and unable to trust my mom moving forward in life. I do agree with this video wholeheartedly. I was conditioned not to trust men, to believe that all men were abusive, and that the person who was supposed to love me unconditionally was a woman I could not look up to, trust, or admire.

I was raised with a rule "Never share what happens in this house with anyone." What a horrible way to live. I have seen how society and communities have started services for youth that need a safe place to go to feel heard and safe. I think any expecting parents should be given tools and videos to watch or offered parenting classes.

In closing, I loved my mom; it was not until the last five years that I could forgive her. I have also come to the realization that she did the best she could. After all, her upbringing was not ideal either. Unfortunately, I have done all this healing after she passed away. My children remember their grandmother as a completely different person than the one I described above. Today I choose to talk with my kids about these good memories and no longer allow all the bad ones to get in the way of the peace I have today.

If you were struggling today, what tools or resources do you have to help you cope?

Please help me answer this question at least 300 word.