How can i respond to the following peer post?

Good Evening!

The topic I've chosen is Playing For Change! It's a wonderful group that gives Musicians a platform where they may not have had it otherwise. I found out about them freshman year and have been in love with their mission ever since. I have a lot of passion for what they do, I've attached their website as well as a beautiful composition of Stand By Me. It took 10 years with 10 singers and 25 musicians from across the globe.

Essay

Ideas:

James Webb Space Telescope

Aboriginal Australians

Playing For Change

Intro/Thesis:

Playing for Change is a traveling platform for Musicians who otherwise would not have the ability to share their music with the World. Modern technology is what allows Playing For Change to fill their mission of connecting Musicians and Listeners around the World. Through the tireless efforts of the founders and the musicians they've found, art is able to be shared, and effortlessly reached. They are a new breed of Ethnomusicologist, who bring different cultures of music into the genres we are familiar with.

Body Paragraph 1: Topic Sentence: (Mission) "To inspire and connect the world through music"

Evidence 1: The beauty of American platform

Evidence 2: Inspiring Musicians in less fortunate areas to get their talent out there

Evidence 3: Inspiring Musicians to branch out into Music of cultures beyond their own

Body Paragraph 2: Topic Sentence: (Technology) The greatest musicians of all time were never recorded, one of the most beautiful things about the 21st century is our ability to record and share music.

Evidence 1: Recording

Evidence 2: Sharing

Evidence 3: Streaming

Body Paragraph 3: Topic Sentence: (Examples) This platform is not only made of the musicians whose music we get to listen to, but also Ethnomusicologists who are dedicated to inspiring musicians around the globe.

Evidence 1: What is an ethnomusicologist

Evidence 2: Grandpa Elliott and CB Milton

Evidence 3: Mark Johnson

Conclusion/ReThesis: A beautiful example of the efforts of playing for change is a ten year project to bring 10 singers, and twenty five instrumentalists together playing a rendition of Stand By Me. This video is what got me so interested in Ethnomusicology, and traveling the world learning how to play with musicians all over. This new breed of Ethnomusicologists differ from the traditional sense of the term, because they aren't researching the music of these people but sharing their music, and introducing them to us, through music we can relate to.