in a paragraph, reply to this discussion this post

(2) The authors note various benefits and adverse effects of topic avoidance and secrets. In your scholarly opinion, how can topic avoidance and secrets be functionally productive (light side) and functionally destructive (dark side)

In reference to topic avoidance and secrecy being destructive, the information that is either being avoided during conversation and/or hidden, could potentially do more harm than the individual may be willing to risk. The article states that, "secrets are often overtly deceptive (e.g., when father lies about being in Vietnam), they can indicate problems in relationships (e.g., when the secret involves an extra marital affair), and they can even threaten individuals' personal health (e.g., when a family colludes to hide the father's alcoholism)," (Afifi, Caughlin, Afifi, p.62,2007). With this information alone, there could be several different outcomes if the secrets or hidden topics were to be brought up. The mother may feel betrayed be her husband, who cheated on her and could go as far as terminating the relationship. The mother and daughter both may lose trust in one another considering that they both are being enablers to the father/husband's alcohol addiction.The children may start to look at their father differently if they were to find out that he has been lying to them about his stories in Vietnam and has cheated on their mother. These outcomes, used as examples may do more harm to the family system as a whole.

Now, to look at things from a lighter perspective, what if everyone started living in their truths, and became open about what each of them has going on? We could potentially see some good come from these situations. For example, if the family were to shine some light on the problem that the paternal parent is facing,they could support him with getting the help he needs to overcome his addiction. As readers, we can conclude that the wife does want better for her marriage and the kids would want a positive role model to look up to (their father). Here is where the communication gets tough. In order for the entire family to benefit from openness, all of them must sacrifice being honest about the things they are hiding, regardless of the outcome it may have.

I'll use the father's drinking problem as my example again: Why do we think the dad is really drinking so much? Is it because his conscious is starting to weigh in heavy on the infidelity he has been hiding over the years? To elaborate more on this, maybe he uses this a coping mechanisms because he knows that deep down inside, he really wants to come clean, but he does not want to be the reason that his family dynamic changes. This may be something he is not willing to risk. "People generally long to protect themselves, protect their relationships, or protect others," (T.D. Afifi, 2005). The article also points out how the cost of concealment can have an impact on the attempt one is making when trying to suppress thoughts or bury secrets within. While trying to suppress these thoughts, it initially takes a toll on one's psychological being. This could lead to dysfunctional attachment styles, all of which are related to diminishing health and stress related diseases. Withholding information prevents the option of building healthy sustainable relationships. These reasons of openness coincide with the lighterside of communication by allowing for one to develop problem solving skills when coping with traumatic experiences.