Influences on Your Identity* A+ For this discussion board, you may choose from 1 of 4 prompts listed below. (In your original thread to the prompt, only respond to one of the following 4 prompts). 1. Reflecting on Reflected Appraisals To understand how reflected appraisals influenced your self-concept, try this exercise: a. First, list five words that describe how you see yourself. (Examples: responsible, ambitious, introverted, clumsy, funny, intelligent, shy, athletic). Share the list here. b. Next, identify the particular people who have been and are especially significant in your life. Try to think of at least 5 people who matter to you. Share the list here. HINT - these will likely be the people who communicated to you at least some of the words on the list of how you would describe yourself. c. Now, think about how these people communicate with you about the traits you listed in step (a). How did they express their appraisals of what you defined as important parts of yourself. Give at least 2 concrete examples of how people in your life communicated with you about the traits you listed. This is how your identity was influenced by others. d. Trace how you see yourself to the appraisals reflected by particular others in your life. e. Evaluate - do you agree with these appraisals? What traits do you agree with? Which traits do you disagree with? Explain. Reflected Appraisal Reflected appraisal is our perception of another's view of us. How we think others appraise us affects how we see ourselves. This concept is similar to the looking-glass self, based on Charles Cooley's poetic comment, "Each to each a looking glass/Reflects the other that doth pass" (1961, p. 5). Others are mirrors for usthe views of ourselves that we see in them (our mirrors) influence how we perceive ourselves. If others communicate even indirectly that they think we are smart, we are likely to reflect that appraisal in how we act and think about ourselves. If family members indicate that they see us as dumb or unlikable, we may reflect their appraisals by seeing ourselves in those ways. Did your parents ever look disappointed when you acted a certain way? Did they ever smile with pride when you did something they valued? If so, you know how effectively others' appraisals can communicate that they regard our behaviors as unacceptable. Parents, especially fathers, encourage in children what they perceive to be gender-appropriate behaviors, fostering more independence, competitiveness, and aggression in sons and more emotional expressiveness and gentleness in daughters (Fixmer-Oraiz & Wood, 2019; Galvin, 2006). Did your parents encourage you to conform to gender roles? Many parents reward daughters for acting feminine and criticize any feminine behaviors in sons. The converse is less true: While parents, especially fathers, encourage masculinity in sons, they are less critical of masculine behaviors in daughters. Heterosexual fathers are particularly clear in encouraging sons to be heterosexual (Solebello & Elliott, 2011). For years, mothers have been regarded as essential to children's development. Yet mothers are only half the picture. Fathers play important roles in children's development, and the roles they play tend to be distinct from those of mothers (Bianchi, Robinson, & Milkie, 2006; Galvin, 2006; Gray & Anderson, 2010). Fathers seem more likely than mothers to challenge and stretch children to achieve. Many fathers urge children to take initiative, to tolerate risks, and to experiment with unfamiliar activities and situations. Fathers tend to play more roughly than mothers, and this encourages development of courage and resilience. Additionally, fathers especially seem prepared to help their sons and daughters develop confidence, autonomy, and high expectations of themselves. Peers also express their appraisals of us. When we accept them, peers' reflected appraisals affect how we see ourselves. The importance of peers' reflected appraisals is illustrated by this amusing example. Jeremy Bem was raised by parents who were committed to nonsexist child-rearing. When Jeremy put barrettes in his hair, his parents expressed neither surprise nor disapproval. But a different response greeted Jeremy when he wore his barrettes to nursery school. His male peers repeatedly told him that "only girls wear barrettes." Jeremy tried to tell them that wearing barrettes had nothing to do with being a boy or a girl, but his peers were adamant that he couldn't be a boy if he wore barrettes. Finally, in frustration, Jeremy pulled down his pants and declared that, because he had a penis, he was a boy. The other boys laughed at this and informed Jeremy, "Everybody has a penis; only girls wear barrettes" (Monkerud, 1990, p. 83).