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(Santa Giveth, but Anti Claus Taketh Away

by William Bunn

Santa Claus has along-lost ne’er-do-well brother. His sibling is as much of a thiefas Santa is generous.

The problem with Santais that the volume of goods he and others bring to our home exceedsthose leaving the house. The influx whittles a sharp point on thelaw of material goods: That which has been given must be takenaway; that which has come must go. Ownership is always temporary.The law of material goods creates a practical problem in our home:Who gets rid of things? Though there is no champion ofdisposal, the volume of things we own demands something be done.The Grinch would be an excellent candidate for the job, except herecanted and returned the Christmas he stole. But he clearlyunderstood the Christmas Problem. Consumption creates the needfor disposal. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The fat philanthropistdemands a thieving recycler of equal heft. The job description isclear, but it has no title. So, let me name this role. If SantaClaus is all about bringing gifts, the yang to his yin is AntiClaus, the remover of things. Since I play the favoured Santy, Ialso play the evil Anti. Bringing new things into the house isalmost always done with pomp and pageantry. There’s a party, orsome kind of celebration, or the sting and zing of a new purchase.There are people in chimneys, rabbits with baskets, ghosts andwitches, fairies, clowns, cakes and candles, parades and pictures.We dedicate entire days to the celebration of things coming intoour home. But the disposal is solitary and silent. It is a ritualtoo, but one practiced, in our house, in a shroud of silence, inutter secrecy. I sneak now, because my overt Anti Clausefforts entirely failed. Once, when I finished culling the toycollection, I showed the kids what I thought we could get rid of.As they looked in the bag they rediscover each as though it were ahundred dollar bill. I put the empty bag away. Now I don’t consult,I creep. Today the wide mouth of each child’s toy box isswollen beyond capacity. They get widgets for sitting still intheir chairs at school; gidgets from the dentist for sitting stillin his chair; gadgets from restaurants for sitting still in theirchairs; prizes from cereal boxes and candy; trinkets from babysitters; hand-me-downs from older kids, and of course, the regularinflux at birthdays and holidays. I steal into the girls’ roomfirst and paw through the heaps of toys with the coldness of acrooked accountant. I pilfer the toys from the bottom of the toychests. All the things I found on the bottom layer of the toy boxesgo into my bag. I check my watch: not much time. Plastic puppies,smiling hamburgers, whirling dancing girls with overwound springs,bulbous heads of cartoon heroes on wheels, plastic "collector"drink cups, headless Barbies, cars jammed with Play-Doh, winglessplanes, horses with nodding heads, and a salad of unintelligibletoy bits. My grocery bag fills quickly and I haven’t evenfinished the first toy box. I get a garbage bag, and finish thesecond toy box. I need two hands to carry the sack of plunder as Ihead into my son’s room. I cull his toy box and the bagstrains as I head downstairs for my sweep of basement playthings.By the time I finish the basement toy boxes, the bag can no longerhandle the weight. A lumpy patch of the black plastic greys as itweakens. I drop the bag as the grey bulge thins into a hole, smilesand yawns, burping a few toys onto the floor. I dump all the toysinto a new bag and then double-bag it for extra reinforcement. ThenI drag my loot out to the garage, to a spot where no one would seeit, and I wait. I watched the kids play over the next fewdays. No one noticed the missing swag, so I shored up my confidenceand put out the 43-pound sack (yes, I weighed it) of toys. Mysneak ritual has evolved into a full-time undercover op. ThoughSanta gets all the glory, I’ve come to realize that he needs hislesser brother. My sneaks balance the Christmas Problem. My dirtydeeds give the stout saint the space to work his magic.)

Read the essay below,titled "Santa Giveth, but Anti Claus Taketh Away," by William Bunn,which has been reproduced from The Globe & Mail, December 5,2003.

In two paragraphs of150-200 words each, write a summary (1st paragraph) and arhetorical analysis (2nd paragraph) of this relationship. In youranalysis, you may choose to concentrate on a shortcoming, astrength, or a reationship between style and content in theessay