• Opening:Capture the reader's attention and interest. Describe a problem, make an unexpected statement, suggest reader benefits, offer praise or compliments, or ask a stimulating question.
• Body:
  • Build interest.Explain logically and concisely the purpose of the request. Prove its merit. Use facts, statistics, expert opinion, examples, and/or specific details. Focus on reader benefits.
  • Reduce resistance. Anticipate objections, offer counterarguments, establish credibility, demonstrate competence, and show the value of your proposal.
• Closing:Motivate action. Ask for a particular action. Make the action easy to take. Show courtesy, respect, and gratitude.

Exercise - A Message Do-Over for a Persuasive Message to a Colleague (Superior)

Situation

Samantha Parkinson works as a marketing intern for a start-up software company. She is working on an account for a new social networking platform for professionals. The platform, calledLinkedB2B, allows professionals to connect in many ways similar to LinkedIn. However, it also sets up in-person networking events in several major cities and focuses on geographic proximity to connect professionals. The platform also emphasizes business-to-business (B2B) relationships rather than recruiting and consulting.

Currently, Linked B2B charges a rate of $19 per month to all professionals on the network. It charges businesses $149 to have up to ten users on the network. So far, the network has nearly 9,000 members, most of which are in the three major cities: Houston, Dallas, and Los Angeles. Typically, LinkedB2B hosts networking events three times per year in these cities. To attend the events, attendees must be LinkedB2B members. Generally, admission prices for the networking events are around $30.

Samantha believes the network should offer free accounts, like LinkedIn, so that Linked B2B can grow its membership base. She thinks that members should pay for only premium services. Samantha decided to share her conclusions with her boss, Bianca Genova. Bianca originally created LinkedB2B and considers it her greatest professional achievement. Samantha sent the following message:

SUBJECT: Changing our Pricing Model

Hey Bianca,

Unfortunately, our current pricing model simply doesn't bring in enough members for us to be lucrative. 9,000 members really is next to nothing in our business. To survive, we will need to get far more paying members. Ironically, we can get more paying members only by offering our membership for free. LinkedIn is the model we must follow in order to do this. It makes so much money because it gets professionals hooked to free memberships, then professionals see the added value of premium services and can't resist paying. If we changed to a free model up front, we could get hundreds of thousands or even millions of members. I estimate that within one year, we could get a least 500,000 members if we opened up LinkedB2B for free. If we could get just 10 percent of these members to purchase premium services, we would have roughly 50,000 paying members, which is a fivefold increase over where we are now. The way to make this happen involves focusing on the following cities: Houston, Dallas, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland, and Seattle. We will offer free memberships to all professionals. At the free membership level, professionals can display their profiles. Our pricing for premium services would remain the same at the individual and organization levels. At the premium level, members would be able to do the following: attend networking events at discounted rates (generally 30 to 50 percent less), send ten free messages per month to non-contacts, use the blogging platform, and organize groups. I know you want this platform to succeed, so let's plan on meeting this Fridayand I can give a more specific plan for making this happen.

To evaluate the effectiveness of Samantha's message, consider the following prompts:

• What is the purpose of the message? What does Samantha hope to accomplish?
• Who is the audience? Where in the hierarchical structure of the organization does this person fall? Does it matter?
• What is Bianca's anticipated response? Should Samantha expect some initial resistance? Why?
• What kind of message should be written? Is this a routine, persuasive, or bad-news message?
• What organizational strategy is used in the first message? Is it appropriate for the message type? Will it be effective in achieving the writer's goal? Why?
• Evaluate Bianca's potential response to the subject line. Should the subject line be improved? If so, how?
• Evaluate Bianca's potential response to the first few sentences of the message. Will she be open to hearing Samantha's ideas? Explain.
• How does the first word of the message, "unfortunately," affect the reader's response? Is there other language in the message that stands out as ineffective or inappropriate?
• Is the tone of the message appropriate and effective? Explain.
• Could Samantha improve readability by using headings, lists, and white space? How would this affect the persuasiveness of the message? What key points should stand out?
• Does the message effectively prove the merit of Samantha's proposal? Arecredible facts, numbers, statistics, and forecasts provided?
• What objections might Bianca have to Samantha's proposal? Does Samantha's message consider these?
• What does Samantha want Bianca to do? Does Samantha offer enough information for Bianca to act?

Step 2. make a Writing Plan (i.e., Outline) for a More Effective Persuasive Message to Bianca

Describe or devise an outline for how you would re-create this message, including:

• Subject
• Opening
• Body
• Closing