So surmised Metropolitan Police detective James McNutty, as he and detective Monk Boreland carefully lifted the bike off Oligarsky's bloodied head. The Russian dissident lay splayed in the crimson-tinted slush of yet another unseasonably warm Washington D.C. winter. "MF-er looks like a macabre snow angel," Boreland mused, biting his cigar."This is our fourth one of these goddamn cases we've caught, Jimmy. And we ain't got a single fing witness. Why do we have all the bad luck?" Boreland knew bad luck was only part of the story, though: the duo also had the antipathy of nearly every ranking officer in the department. A lopsided smile crept across McNutty's face. Boreland lifted his eyebrows ever so slightly. "The f, Jimmy," Boreland demanded. "Chiggity check yourself before you wreck yourself," McNutty said. "The f, Jimmy," Boreland repeated. "A checkpoint, ahole," McNutty responded. "Riiiiiiight," Boreland said, grinning."Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Let's make it happen, you self-absorbed, whiskey-sodden, insufferable genius, you." The next morning, a line of cars crawled slowly forward toward officer Dane Roth, awash in the red-and-blue strobe of police lights. One by one, they came to a stop. Roth held a stack of flyers seeking witnesses to the hit-and-run.

Roth(Cop) approached the passenger's side window of a silver Honda Civic. The driver stared straight ahead. Roth prompted him to lower the window.

The potent smell of marijuana smoke assaulted Roth the moment the window began to drop. Roth peered inside. He noticed the driver was wearing a blue polo shirt bearing the logo of Cox Communications, a national telecommunications company. He also wore a nametag

"Jay from Cox," Roth said,"I am Officer Roth of the Washington, D.C. Metropolitan Police Department. The reason we are stopping people this morning is to inform them of a fatal hit-and-run accident that occurred yesterday. We are hoping the public can help us with information that might solve this case." Roth noted that Jay still would not meet his gaze.

"Did you happen to be in the area yesterday," Roth asked.

Jay looked up. The whites of his eyes were nearly magenta, the lids half closed. "Naw man. Hey, am I free to go, bro?"

Roth's own eyes narrowed. "You're not. Hand me your license and registration, then step out of the car."

"What? Why, bro," Jay asked.

"STEP OUT OF THE CAR, NOW," Roth barked. Jay complied. Roth pressed him face-first against the cold metal of the Civic.

"Interlace your fingers behind your back," Roth commanded. Jay did as he was told."Do you have any weapons on you? Anything that could stick me?

"Naw man," Jay replied

"A search of Jay's pockets produced a large glass pipe with what appeared to be marijuana residue

"Were you smoking this reefer just now," Roth asked.

"I plead the Fifth, cop," Jay responded.

"Answer the question," Roth demanded.

"Alright, man, yeah. Yeah. I smoke before work. Helps the day go by.

With that, Roth removed his handcuffs from their holder and placed them on Jay's wrists. "You're under arrest for suspicion of driving under the influence of narcotics, in violation of Washington, D.C. law."

That afternoon, Jay sat in an interrogation room, alone. A wall clock ticked loudly. Other than a bare metal table and three chairs, the room was empty.

McNutty walked in first, followed by Boreland. Jay stared at them. The detectives stared back. They all stared at each other for quite some time. Finally, Boreland spoke."You're in a whole heap of trouble, Mr. ..." Boreland leafed through the arrest report, but failed to find Jay's last name." ... Jay from Cox."

"We know you were in the vicinity of that accident yesterday," Boreland said."You were working on one of the utility lines." He leaned forward."That man had a family. Two sweet, innocent little boys that are gonna grow up without no daddy." McNutty placed a picture of two boys on the table."It's a damn shame," McNutty said."Poor kids." Jay looked at the picture. He was still sort of high. He was definitely very hungry. And now he was sad, as well. Jay began to cry. "Now look, we know you didn't have nothing to do with it," Boreland added."But we need to know what you know." As McNutty pulled the picture back, Boreland pushed a yellow legal pad and a pencil toward Jay."Just tell us what you saw." Twenty minutes later, McNutty and Boreland walked out of the interrogation room, smirking. McNutty placed the picture of the kids his own back on his desk. He tapped the partial plate number Jay gave them into a police database. It matched the description of the vehicle Jay provided, a black 2017 Chevy Suburban. The vehicle was registered to a Hertz rental car location in Alexandria, Virginia.

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If you are a Jay, How can you defend yourself?