Li, an intern at All-Weather, a window manufacturer, has been asked to write a letter to a recent young customer asking him if some new engineers can tour his gallery to see the products in use. Here is his draft:

Dear Mr. Mason, Executive Director, Iconic Art Gallery, St. Paul, MN You must be glad that you chose All-Weather’s energy efficient bow windows, horizontal sliders, and fiberglass doors for your art gallery. As everyone who is anyone knows, we offer the finest quality wood, vinyl, aluminum, steel, and fiberglass composite windows and doors you can find in the US of A. As you also know, our customer service representatives are ready to assist you 24/7 (and more!) with any installation or maintenance needs you may have (even if it’s your responsibility or fault, I might add). After doing so much for an important customer such as you, we have a small favor to ask of you, which we’re sure you will not deny us. We just hired some new engineers who will join our manufacturing division to continue to make the fine products that we make. Unfortunately, they have never seen how our finished products look outside or inside actual homes or offices. (On a personal note, I confess I don’t know what they can learn from one visit to a home or an office.) Our VP (Manufacturing), an asset to All-Weather, says that we should send these engineers out on a field visit. And he should know, shouldn’t he, being the VP and all? That is why I’m writing to you (the pleasure is mine, though).

These fresh minds need exposure to actual conditions in actual markets. We think that if they visit your art gallery, they will see how our products are helping you get results your art gallery could never dream of before. If you don’t believe me, take a ry purpose?

■ Revise the draft.

Notes 1. Frances Frei and Anne Morriss, Uncommon Service: How to Win by Putting Customers at the Core of Your Business

( Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2012), 1.

2 . “Amazon Investor Relations,” Amazon.com , May 6, 2013, http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c 5 97664

&p 5 irol-irhome ; and “Video from Jeff Bezos about Amazon and Zappos,” YouTube video, July 22, 2009, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v 5 -hxX_Q5CnaA .

3 . Aaron Pressman, “When Service Means Survival,” Businessweek, March 2, 2009, 62.

4 . John A. Byrne, “How to Lead Now: Getting Extraordinary Performance When You Can’t Pay for It,” Fast Company, August 2003, 65.

5 . Zeynep Ton, “Why ‘Good Jobs’ Are Good for Retailers,”

Harvard Business Review 90, no. 1–2 (January–February 2012): 125–31.

6 . Pino G. Audia, “Train Your People to Take Others’ Perspectives,”

Harvard Business Review 90, no. 10 (November 2012): 28.

7 . Daniel H. Pink, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future (New York: Riverhead Books, 2006), 165.

8 . Annette N. Shelby and N. Lamar Reinsch, “Positive Emphasis and You-Attitude: An Empirical Study,” Journal of Business Communication 32, no. 4 (1995): 303–27.

9 . Martin E. P. Seligman, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, 2nd ed. (New York: Pocket Books, 1998), 96–107.

10 . Mark A. Sherman, “Adjectival Negation and Comprehension of Multiply Negated Sentences,” Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal Behavior 15 (1976):143–57.

11 . Jeffrey Zaslow, “In Praise of Less Praise,” Wall Street Journal, May 3, 2007, D1.

12 . “The Happiness Factor,” Harvard Business Review 90, no.

1–2 (January–February 2012): 77.

13 . “How Happy Are You? That Could Be Key to Measuring Economic Progress,” NJ.com , August 7, 2012, http://www

.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/08/how_happy_are_you_ that_could_b.html .

14. Gretchen Spreitzer and Christine Porath, “Creating Sustainable Performance: If You Give Your Employees the Chance to Learn and Grow, They’ll Thrive—and So Will Your Organization,” Harvard Business Review 90, no. 1–2

(January–February 2012): 94.

15 . Shawn Achor, “Positive Intelligence: Three Ways Individuals Can Cultivate Their Own Sense of Well-Being and Set Themselves Up To Succeed,” Harvard Business Review 90, no. 1–2 (January–February 2012): 102.

16 . Ibid.

17 . Spreitzer and Porath, “Creating Sustainable Performance,” 93.

18 . Clayton M. Christensen, James Allworth, and Karen Dillon , How Will You Measure Your Life? (New York: Harper Business, 2012), 34.

19 . Achor, “Positive Intelligence,” 100–02.

peek inside your exhibits room, whose space seems to have expanded thanks to our bow window that you have installed. I myself remember what a cramped-looking room it was before. No, I’m not asking you to share your admission fees with us, though free exhibition tickets wouldn’t hurt (I’m kidding, sir). Also, you should perhaps buy more windows and doors from us (and attract more visitors as a result!).

Also, don’t forget to mention us favorably to your patrons.

Oh, and by the way, will you please let us know the day and time suitable to you when we might send those engineers to your art gallery? Our orientation program begins in three weeks time. Looking forward to your prompt acceptance of our request (with or without free exhibition tickets).

Sincerely, Li Li was trying for a breezy tone that he thought appropriate for a young art gallery owner but obviously went overboard.
Based on your reading of Chapter 3, complete the following tasks:
■ List problems in Li’s draft.
■ Prepare another list of changes that would improve the draft. Be specific in your suggestions. For instance, it’s insufficient to say “more you-attitude”
or “more politeness.” Point to places in the draft where these strategies might be useful. Also, rephrase relevant sentences or paragraphs for more you-attitude or more politeness, whichever is the case.
■ What is the primary purpose of the letter? The secondary purpose?
■ Revise the draft.