One of the biggest challenges for student writers is paraphrasing secondary sources correctly to avoid plagiarism.

Your Task. 

For each of the following, read the original passage. Analyze the paraphrased version. List the weaknesses in relation to what you have learned about plagiarism and the use of references. Then write an improved version.

a. Original Passage When the Tesla Model S launched four years ago, the all-electric luxury sedan certainly had its critics. Many of them were executives at German luxury carmakers, quick to dismiss the upstart American carmaker as a quixotic but doomed effort. But as the Model S won plaudits, achieved respectable sales, and captured the public’s imagination, that attitude has changed. And that was before Tesla racked up nearly 400,000 reservations for its Model 3 sedan, which is expected to compete with German mainstays like the Audi A4 and BMW 3-Series. Now, Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, and Porsche are downright worried about Tesla. “Tesla has promised a lot but has also delivered most of it,” Dieter Zetsche—chairman of Mercedes parent Daimler—

said earlier this month.16 Paraphrased Passage Upon the launch of its Model S, Tesla had many detractors; most were executives at German car companies selling luxury cars. They dismissed the new California-based carmaker as a doomed effort. That attitude has changed as the Model S won praise, racked up considerable sales, and impressed the general public. Most recently, Tesla secured 400,000 early reservations for its Model 3, which will compete with German luxury cars such as the Audi A4 and the BMW 3-Series. Now that Tesla has promised a lot but has also delivered most of it, said Daimler chairman Dieter Zetsche, the German carmakers Audi, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, and BMW are pretty worried about Tesla.

b. Original Passage Lurking behind chartjunk is contempt both for the information and for the audience. Chartjunk promoters imagine that numbers and details are boring, dull, and tedious, requiring ornament to enliven. Cosmetic decoration, which frequently distorts the data, will never salvage an underlying lack of content. If the numbers are boring, then you’ve got the wrong numbers. Credibility vanishes in clouds of chartjunk; who would trust a chart that looks like a video game?17 Paraphrased Passage Chartjunk creators hold the information they are conveying and their audience in contempt because they believe that statistical details are dull, unimaginative, and tedious and need to be spruced up with decorations. Purely ornamental design elements distort the data and cannot cover up a lack of content. If the statistics are boring, then they are the wrong statistics. Chartjunk kills credibility. Readers cannot trust a chart that looks like a video game.

c. Original Passage Developing casual online game titles can be much less risky than trying to create a game that runs on a console such as an Xbox. Casual games typically cost less than $200,000 to produce, and production cycles are only six months to a year. There’s no shelf space, packaging, or CD production to pay for. Best of all, there’s more room for innovation.18 Paraphrased Passage The development of casual online games offers less risk than creating games running on Xbox and other consoles. Usually, casual games are cheaper, costing under $200,000 to create and 6 to 12 months to produce. Developers save on shelf space, packaging, and CD production too. Moreover, they have more freedom to innovate.