Which recommendations in this chapter operate in the revisions o the ollowing sentences? Why do these principles result in clearer, more concise revisions?

i. A stroke is an increasingly common problem associated with the brain.

It is caused when a vein or artery in the brain is obstructed. Tis results in loss o consciousness rom the loss o oxygen in the brain.

A stroke, an obstruction in a vein or artery in the brain, results in loss o consciousness as the brain does not receive oxygen.

ii. Tere is another method that is more invasive to the patient but proves to be successul enough to treat stroke.

Another more invasive method proves successul in treating stroke.

iii. Tere are many proposed solutions or ridding the United States o oil dependency.
Many proposed solutions target reduction o US oil dependency.
iv. A signi????cant amount o new research has come out recently about a bodily phenomenon called brown at. Brown at is regarded with interest because o its potential use as a new therapy or obese patients.
Brown at is nothing new—it’s been known or centuries as “baby at,”
the stuff that makes newborn inants so adorably chubby.
Recent research on human “brown at” shows that it may help obese patients. Brown at, known or centuries as “baby at,” makes newborn inants chubby.
v. People in this ????eld work in hospitals and dedicate their time to the mental well-being o children in hospitals as well as to helping the parents be able to support their children and cope with the trauma.
People in this ????eld work in hospitals. Tese proessionals ocus on the mental well-being o hospitalized children and help the parents support their children as they cope with trauma.
vi. Asperger’s syndrome, sometimes called high unctioning autism disorder, is a disability in young people that is requently overlooked by educators and medical personnel.
Asperger’s syndrome, a high unctioning autistic disorder in young people, is requently overlooked by educators and medical personnel.
Or Educators and medical personnel requently overlook Asperger’s syndrome, a high unctioning autism disorder occurring in young people.
vii. Even though Hurricane Gustav lef its mark, there was a minimal amount o damage to the town, and ????nally there was a sigh o relie
regarding energy prices.
Even though Hurricane Gustav lef its mark, the town suffered minimal damage and gave a sigh o relie regarding energy prices.
viii. A shoemaking company has signed a deal to share military technology to make their shoes waterproo, at the same time making the abric breathable.
A shoemaking company signed a deal to share military technology, making their shoes waterproo and breathable.

ix. Tere are many issues acing New Orleans related directly to hurricanes and tropical storms. Recently most o the problems caused rom these storms have been traced back to the loss o wetlands o New Orleans during the past century. Despite recent pushes by community and political leaders in New Orleans to help restore these very little has been done, leaving much o the city vulnerable to hurricanes and allowing sea level to continue to rise.
New Orleans aces many issues related to hurricanes and tropical storms. Most problems caused by these storms have occurred because o loss o wetlands around New Orleans during the past century. [a. Despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands, little has been done.] Much o the city becomes increasingly vulnerable to hurricanes as the sea level continues to rise.
[b. Little has been done, despite efforts by community and political leaders in New Orleans to restore wetlands.]
x. Efforts were made on the part o the director’s committee or completion o an evaluation o the recommendations o the report.
Te director’s committee tried to complete their evaluation o the report recommendations.