Audience benefits & you-view

- You-view means focusing on the audience (you, your), not the sender (i.e. I, we).

- When possible, highlight the benefits to the audience and/or the community, not just to yourself.

- Use the 'you-view' and show the audience how something affects them personally when it is positive for them. Do it by using 2^nd person pronouns (you, your) to speak directly to the audience.

3^rd person/impersonal: Customers can win a $100 gift card!

2^nd person/you view: You can win a $100 gift card!

- Avoid using the 'you-view' and you, your pronouns when the situation is negative or when you are saying / suggesting something negative about the audience.

NOT: You shouldn't be so sensitive about getting a bad grade. (offensive!)

BETTER: It's important not to be too worried about getting a bad grade.

To put these principles into action, revise the following sentences to improve their tone and make them more audience-focused. The first two have been done for you as examples.

1. We have prepared the enclosed form that may be used by victims to report identity theft to creditors.

EXAMPLE ANSWER: You can use the enclosed form to your report identity theft to your creditors.

2. To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to our website and fill out the customer information required.

EXAMPLE ANSWER:

To have your orders processed quickly and efficiently, please fill out your customer information on our website.

---> uses 'you' focus (you, your) and highlights a benefit to the audience (quick and efficient processing).

3. We are now offering RapidAssist, a software program we have developed to provide immediate technical support through our website to your employees and customers.

4. We have decided to restrict parking in the new company parking lot to employee vehicles with 'A' permits.

5. Our warranty goes into effect only when we have received the product's registration card from the purchaser.

6. Unfortunately, you will not be able to use our computer and telephone systems on Thursday afternoon because of upgrades to both systems.

7. As part of our company effort to be friendly to the environment, we are asking all employees to reduce paper consumption by communicating by email and avoiding printing.

8. I want to work for your company because you offer an excellent salary and benefits. Plus, the perks you offer make this job perfect for me.

9. (CONTEXT: this sentence is from a cover letter that was sent to the manager of a local Starbucks.) According to the job posting, Starbucks is looking for a candidate who will personally connect with, laugh with, and uplift the lives of customers.

10. We have not received your signed invoice, so we cannot process your payment.

11. Due to an error made by our payroll company, all employees who never signed up for direct deposit will receive their paychecks late.

12. Read the following safety information about how Super Air Flow fans must be installed before mounting the fan.

13. All employees must immediately fill out the enclosed questionnaire so that we can distribute our education funds to employees.

14. I need to know what model you have before I can do anything to help you fix it.

15. Fill out this student survey as soon as possible.