Explain two or three points from each document that you feel you need to work on to improve your interpersonal communication skills. Why do you feel you need to work on those points, and how do you feel they can help you become a better communicator and listener?

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Converse with Sensitivity and Confidence! Conversing well takes practice and effort. For a few lucky people, this comes naturally. For the rest of us, conversing well is a skill that has to be learned. I am a firm believer that everyone can become a good conversationalist by following the advice on the "Do" and "Don't" lists below. DO: Listen well. Make eye contact with the person who is speaking, and focus on what they're saying. Nod your head, make 'Hmmm,' or 'Oh, really?" or "Ahh" sounds to show that you're listening. It's important to when conversing on the phone, too. Smile! No one wants to talk to someone who has a frown on their face. Focus on what the person is saying, and process what they've said before you respond. Sometimes when someone is talking to us, we're only partially listening because we're trying to figure out what we're going to say in response. Listening well requires conscious, continuous effort. Ask questions to get the person to elaborate on what they've said. For example, if someone says to you, "I am so sleepy today," ask them, "Why? What happened?" Avoid saying, "Me, too," because that automatically shifts the focus back to yourself. Asking them "Why? What happened?" will get the person to add more to their initial sentence, and it will show that you're interested in them and not only thinking about yourself. Use positive body language when listening to someone speak: lean forward and have a pleasant expression on your face. Watch the body language of those around you when you're speaking. If people are frowning, sighing loudly, looking at their watch, or looking anywhere but at you, you can assume that they're no longer listening to you. Have you been monopolizing the conversation? Have you been only talking about yourself and

your opinions and not asking the others about themselves or their opinions? The body language of others can send a strong message to you. On the other hand, if your conversation partners look interested in what you're saying, just keep doing what you're doing. Use 'upbeat' intonation patterns when you speak. Make the pitch and tone of your voice rise and fall. If you speak in a monotone or too quietly, people will quickly lose interest in what you're saying, or they will think you're unfriendly. Show interest in others. We live in a very narcissistic and 'me-oriented' society; therefore, some people have a tendency to talk only about themselves and their opinions. That is not a good habit to possess. Of course, we all talk about ourselves sometimes, but after a short time, we should ask others, "So, what do you think about this?" or "What is your opinion?" or "How do you feel about this?" or "How about you?" Shift the focus from you to the other person or people. 'Sell' yourself in a positive way without being too pompous. If you're at a job interview, being sure of yourself is key. However, if you go overboard and overinflate yourself and your abilities, the interviewer(s) will think you're not sincere and that you are full of hot air. They may even feel that you're arrogant. You can make it seem as if you're the best person for the job in an understated yet confident way. On the flip side of the coin, downplaying your abilities will work against you. Being too modest makes it seem as if you're lacking in confidence. Be factual about your strengths and assets rather than minimizing them.

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The #1 Skill Of Extremely Likable (And Successful) People By Ashley Neglia Posted: 09/26/2013 7:54 am EDT | Updated: 09/26/2013 7:54 am EDT Consider this research from the Associated Press: The average attention span in 2012: 8 seconds The average attention span in 2000: 12 seconds The average attention span of a goldfish: 9 seconds Clearly, we've got an attention span problem in our culture. Each day, the majority of us spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours communicating. The ability to communicate and be present with each other is one of the most important things we learn as humans. Effective communication bond of closeness, reduces conflict, enhances personal and professional relationships, and in many cases, helps you get more of what you want out of life. But, when faced with the chance to listen to what someone has to say, to tune in a "be present," most of us usually fall short. We're busy thinking about ourselves, or our errands, our work or in so many cases, we're busy focused on electronics. E-mail. Smartphones. The 24-hour news cycle. In a time of all-encompassing technology, we're busier and more distracted than ever. As we dive farther down the multitasking rabbit hole, it becomes more difficult to do the one thing that may be key to our personal and business success: pay attention. "Giving someone our full, undivided attention is fundamental to our business and interpersonal relationships," says life coach Jack Bennett, Ph.D., who explores happiness, behavior change, and personal development on his blog, thirtytwothousanddays.com. Really listening to someone, making eye contact and hearing them, makes them feel appreciated, and positive feeling for them about you. What's more, people who are good listeners are more liked, rated as more attractive and garner more trust than those who are less proficient at listening, according to Graham D. Bodie, professor of communication studies at The Louisiana State University. If that's not enough motivation to keep your eyes, ears and mind open, good listeners are also high academic achievers, have better socio-emotional development and are even more likely to get promoted at work. So how do you become someone who pays attention? "Being present with somebody, listening to what they have to say and not just waiting for your

turn to speak," says Bennett. "Really 'getting' the person. Understanding what they're telling you and why. That's how connections with other people are formed." In order to truly connect with someone, it's essential to be aware of how our minds and bodies behave. "The more self-awareness we have, the more we will have the ability to be observant and communicate with other people," says life/business coach Ellie Gordon, a trained psychotherapist and founder of the $60 million-a-year hosiery business, Hot Sox. Like any muscle in the body, being observant means practicing and developing the following skill-set: Observe Take the person in, says Gordon. Be mindful of their body language. Mirroring the way a person is standing and holding himself or herself is a powerful way to build trust and understanding. It makes the other person feel comfortable and listened to, whether they're a grandchild telling you about their first day at school or a coworker talking to you about a recent business meeting. Eye contact The ability to maintain eye contact is an important influential tool that conveys emotion, builds connections and indicates interest, according to a Michigan State University study. Moreover, people who avert their gaze are often seen as untrustworthy. Looking someone in the eye rather than glancing around the room or at your cell phone is the easiestand sometimes hardestway to maintain your focus. The key is to maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact50 percent of the time when speaking and 70 percent of the time while listening. Listen "Being present with somebody who gives you the space to talk and share yourself with them tends to bond and good feelings," says Bennett. However, listening doesn't mean just being physically quiet. It means quieting your mind and genuinely listening to what the person is telling you. Unfortunately, many of us are poor listeners due to the simple fact that we can think faster than we can speak. While most of us speak at a rate of per minute, the human mind is capable of understanding someone speaking at per minute, according to research by the University of Missouri. Hence, we're only utilizing 25 percent of our mental capacity, leaving the remaining 75 percent to focus on bills, vacation, work or anything else that pops into our mind at any given moment. "It takes focus and a concerted effort to say, 'I'm not listening to that universal drone in my head,' says Gordon. When your mind wanders, people notice, and it takes away from the authenticity of the conversation.

Empathize Empathizing with someone is really having the ability to understand the "humanity of a situation" and knowing what it means to be in the other person's shoes. Being understood is a vital part of interpersonal communication. When we truly feel listened to, in the emotional sense of the word, we feel more satisfied with our relationships, according to Bodie's research. What's more, people who have a high EQemotional intelligenceare capable of making better decisions simply because they have the capacity to see a situation from someone else's perspective. "It's not listening to the story in your head," said Gordon. "It's seeing into the hearts of others. The richness and depth of where you can go with each other is actually profound." Beyond all this, there are technical tricks of the trade you can use to pay attention, like repeating a person's name or even the words they use. Both of these things convey that you're listening, says Bennett. But, overall, the key to paying attention is being authentic."It's the combination of a quiet mind and an honest intention to listen to the person that you're interacting with. It's hard to think of anything that's much more powerful than that," he says.