help me reword and help organize this paragprah. The () are the comments and corrections that needs to be fixed. 

 

Rapuano, Rina. "Doctors Say Cell Phones and Kids Can Be a Healthy Mix." TLC.Com, www.tlc.com/parenting/doctors-say-cell-phones-and-kids-can-be-a-healthy-mix. Accessed 3 Oct. 2023. 

 

Thesis: 

However, the rising prevalence of mobile phones in children prompts critical questions regarding their safety, health implications, and the responsibility of those around them.

 

Opposing Viewpoint Paragraph:

 

Some argue that the increasing prevalence of mobile phones among children over the age of 10 is not only acceptable, but also beneficial, as these devices can serve as valuable tools for productivity and enhance social connections. According to Dr. Mike Brooks, a licensed psychologist, introducing cell phones to children during middle school is opportune, given the surge in activities during this stage (5). (You want to refute the opposing viewpoints one by one in the order you list them in the topic sentence.  You would want to refute the first one in own words before using a quote.  Source are only meant to be used as support.) (Is this a paraphrase? If so, you need the page number in parenthesis where the paraphrase ends.) 

 

The argument posits that these devices, including their audio capabilities such as headphones, offer access to productivity tools, thereby aiding children in managing their tasks more efficiently. (? & if can reword the sentence) 

 

 

This perspective sees technology as a positive force in a child's life, contributing to their overall well-being. While it is true that cell phones can provide access to productivity tools, this perspective fails to adequately address the concerns surrounding the safety, health, and responsibility of children using mobile devices. The focus on productivity tools overlooks potential risks and distractions that these devices pose to children. Moreover, the argument assumes a one-size-fits-all approach, disregarding the unique needs and developmental stages of individual children (7). (What is being cited here?  If this is a paraphrase, you need to use an introductory tag before the paraphrase starts and then end with the page number as you have it.)

 

 

Additionally, the assertion that smartphones enhance social connections among children by preventing feelings of exclusion fails to acknowledge the potential negative consequences of constant connectivity. The use of headphones, while facilitating communication and entertainment with friends, may also contribute to a lack of face-to-face interactions, hindering the development of crucial social skills. Excessive screen time, coupled with the constant availability of smartphones, raises concerns about the impact on children's mental health and their ability to engage in meaningful, real-world relationships. In conclusion, while the argument for introducing mobile phones to children emphasizes the positive aspects of productivity tools and social connections, it falls short of addressing the broader concerns related to safety, health, and responsibility. A more nuanced approach is necessary to ensure that the benefits of technology do not overshadow the potential risks, and that children's well-being remains a priority in an increasingly digital age.