What happens when a child nags for hours for a new toy and you say no until you tire of their whining and say yes just to get them to stop? You stop the immediate whining, but you teach the child that if they whine long enough, you'll give in. In the same way, you strengthen your urges every time you make the choice to give in to them, even if it's just occasionally. Unrealistic: I must get rid of urges. Realistic: Your urges are normal. Addictive behaviors cause changes in your brain that make urges very powerful, so "getting rid of them" is an unrealistic expectation. You can't control urges, but you can control how you respond to them. It takes time and practice to replace old thoughts and behaviors with new ones. Don't expect urges to end immediately, don't expect to be perfect, and don't give up. Unrealistic: I'm self-destructive or I wouldn't do these self-destructive things. Realistic: Our brains are hard-wired to seek out things that provide pleasure. Substances and behaviors that light up the pleasure centers in our brains can be destructive if the desire for them turns into a need. Oh, and as human beings, we all do stupid things. Unrealistic: I use because I like to. Realistic: While that was probably true in the beginning, it's probably more complicated than that now. While using continues to light the pleasure centers in your brain, your rational brain can't ignore that the short term "pleasures" are incompatible with your long-term goals. With more exploration, you will probably find that you have fallen into the "addictive behavior trap," in which you ignore the benefits of stopping because you may be preoccupied with how difficult it will be. SMART's tools and strategies give you an edge in dealing with your urges. The tools and strategies-along with your motivation-can make it possible for you to successfully cope with urges. Beliefs about urges It's likely that you've been feeding your urges for so long that you don't even think about them. They feel like they're part of who you are. You may hold beliefs about your urges that are unrealistic or untrue, and that actually make them worse. When your beliefs about urges are accurate and true, it's possible to ease them or even prevent them. Here are some opposing beliefs about urges that may help you understand them: Unrealistic: My urges are unbearable. Realistic: Urges are uncomfortable, but you can bear them. If you keep telling yourself that you can't bear them, you're setting yourself up to use. Urges won't kill you or make you go crazy; they'll just make you uncomfortable. Unrealistic: My urges only stop when I give in. Realistic: Urges may last only seconds to minutes, but rarely much longer. Sometimes urges come in batches, several shorter ones rather than one long urge. Urges always go away. Here's why: Your nervous system eventually stops noticing stimuli. If it didn't, you couldn't wear clothing because it would be too uncomfortable. If you fast, you know hunger eventually fades away. The dentist- office smell that was so strong when you walked through the door isn't even noticeable by the time you leave. You can teach yourself to ride out urges. It does get easier over time. Unrealistic: My urges make me use. Realistic: Using is always a choice. When an urge hits, you have two choices: to use or to ride it until it subsides. Unrealistic: Urges are a sign that my addictive behavior is getting worse. Realistic: They're a normal part of recovery. They may be stronger at first-or maybe later in your recovery - but they weaken, and eventually disappear. You can have a life without urges. Unrealistic: Giving in to an urge isn't harmful. Realistic: Giving in to urges prolongs their presence in your life because it reinforces the behavior pattern. It will make stopping harder as the next urge will likely come more quickly and be more intense. Like a rash, if you scratch it occasionally but use healthy remedies the rest of the time, the occasional scratching still increases the healing time. If you occasionally give in to your urges, you simply prolong your dependence on the substance or behavior as a way out when you believe the pain is unbearable. THE TOOL: BRAINSTORMING EFFECTIVELY USED FOR WHICH OF THE SMART RECOVERY FOUR POINTS? Building Motivation Coping with Urges Problem Solving Lifestyle Balance EQUIPMENT REQUIRED: Post-it Notes or Flip chart/Markers or Blackboard & Chalk WHAT IT IS: Brainstorming is an excellent process often used by many groups (both SMART Recovery groups and other corporations and organizations) who wish to seek fresh solutions to problems. WHEN IT IS USED: (Common question or statement that may prompt using this tool) When a member of the group has a particularly challenging problem - one for which there isn't an obvious answer. This problem or situation may fall within any of the four points of the SMART Recovery program. EXAMPLE OF ITS USE IN A SMART RECOVERY MEETING: The idea behind brainstorming is to encourage thinking - thinking which should include the notion that no suggestion is too wild or unwanted. And... there is to be no criticism of any suggestion, regardless of its perceived lack of merit. Suggest to individuals that they plug their minds into a light bulb socket to go beyond common thinking. When the challenging problem has arisen, and when all participants are seated and comfortable, the process is explained which includes the following: 1. There's a designated leader (the Facilitator can fill this role). 2. The leader identifies the problem for the group's consideration. 3. The leader goes around the room asking each participant to share an idea (regardless of how wild it is, or how "out of the bounds of normal thinking" it may sound - encourage creative thinking - remember, people thought the Wright Brothers were crazy). 4. Each participant may provide an idea or pass. 5. The leader writes down each idea (post-it notes are great, but a chalkboard or flip chart will do). 6. No one may comment or criticize any idea which is shared. (It's fun to have wadded paper handy - if someone criticizes your idea, you may carefully launch the wad their way.) 7. Continue to go around the room until no additional ideas surface. 8. The leader reads through the list, and if anyone needs clarification on the idea, it is provided at this time. This process is designed to be fun, and to encourage creative thinking! SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org info@smartrecovery.org Once all of the process steps are accomplished, you will likely have a number of ideas documented. It's useful to take an additional step, referred to as "affinity analysis" to help the individual leave the meeting with some ideas to put into play to overcome the problem or situation. Here's how affinity analysis works: 1. The Facilitator reviews all of the ideas and clarifies the idea, if necessary. 2. Usually the ideas will fall within some major themes or issues. Group commonly-themed ideas together. (This is where post-it notes come in handy...you can stick the common post-it notes together, but if you used a flip chart or blackboard, you can write down headings and place common ideas beneath the heading.) 3. Creative thinking continues to be encouraged - you may find that Betty and John disagree into which category the idea fits. If no agreement is reached, duplicate the idea in both categories. 4. Once everyone agrees with the categories and corresponding ideas, you may wish to ask the group to identify the area that they collectively believe will be most useful to the individual - a starting point that he/she may use when leaving the meeting to overcome the problem or situation. Remember, the results of brainstorming are dependent upon the individuals gathered and their frame of mind. Two separate groups would likely come up with two sets of unique results. There is no "right" or "wrong" set of recommended solutions/grouping of ideas. Note: Post-it notes work well with small groups, where individuals can gather around and see the ideas of the other participants. The advantage is that participants can build on each other's ideas. Acknowledgments: Thank you Team Member Bob Long SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org info@smartrecovery.org Change-Plan Worksheet Changes I want to make: How important is it to me to make these changes? (1-10 scale) How confident am I that I can make these changes? (1-10 scale) The most important reasons I want to make these changes are: The steps I plan to take in changing are: How other people can help me: Person Kind of help I will know my plan is working when: Some things that could interfere with my plan are: SMART Recovery Self-Management and Recovery Training Change your vocabulary, change your feelings Because your feelings are influenced by your thoughts, you can change your feelings and behaviors by changing your thoughts. And you can change your thoughts by changing the words you use in your thinking. The difference that changing just one word makes might surprise you. The more you do this, the more natural it becomes. +WORD EXCHANGE Instead of saying or thinking: Must Should Have to Can't Ought to Awful Unbearable Can't stand Always All Say or think: Really want/ prefer/ choose to Really want/ prefer/ choose to Want to Choose not to Really want/ prefer/ choose to Unpleasant Unpleasant Don't like Often A lot STATE EXCHANGE Instead of saying: I must be perfect. You should not do that. You ought to help. I can't stand this feeling. You are a bad person. This urge is awful. This situation is unbearable. Everything is terrible. This happens every time. I'm a bad person. I need your love. I am a failure. Say or think: I really want to do well. I prefer you not do that. I would appreciate your help. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like your behavior. This urge is unpleasant. This is not the best way. Things are not the way I want them to be. This frequently happens. I behaved badly. I want your love. I made a mistake/ I failed at EMOTION VOCABULARY EXCHANGE Instead of saying or thinking: I am terribly anxious. I am so depressed. I am really angry. I am guilty. I am so ashamed. I'm really hurt. I'm jealous. I'm envious. Say or think: I feel concerned. I feel sad. I feel annoyed. I feel remorse/ I feel regret. I feel disappointed. I feel sorry I feel concern for my relationship. I feel unhappy. TOOL: Cost-Benefit Analysis So far, you've identified your core values and what you want your future to look like. You also have created a plan to get there. Remember, though, your addictive behavior will be waiting in the wings for the slightest opportunity to hijack your plans and motivation. Have you ever asked yourself what you get out of your addictive behavior? You must be getting something - it's hard to imagine you'd do it if you didn't get something out of it, even if the behavior causes you or others harm. Do you drink because it helps you cope with the stress of being a parent or the challenges of your job? Do you find anonymous sex partners to make you feel more attractive and wanted? Do you harm yourself because it calms you? Completing a Cost-Benefit Analysis or CBA will help you answer these questions. At some point in our lives, we told ourselves - either consciously or unconsciously that the benefits of our behavior outweighed the costs. But have you ever looked at your behavior under a microscope and really examined all the benefits and all the costs? People who want to stop an addictive behavior have two types of thinking about their behavior, but never at the same time: Short-term thinking and long-term thinking. Short-term thinking: Using makes you feel immediately better. Long-term thinking: You want to stop the behavior to lead a healthier life. Because short- and long-term thinking don't happen simultaneously, the CBA (Figure 3.4) brings them to one place to help you identify and compare the far-reaching consequences of your behavior with its right now" benefits. The CBA also will help you compare long- and short-term benefits of abstinence. To start, consider the costs and benefits of your addictive behavior. THE COSTS AND BENEFITS OF USING Start by looking at what's pleasurable about your addictive behavior. Be as specific as possible. For example, instead of writing, "My addictive behavior helps me cope," write how it helps you cope. "My behavior makes me brave enough to say what I'm really feeling," or "Acting out helps me forget my loneliness." Benefits (advantages and rewards) What pleasures, benefits, or advantages does it bring to my life? With what feelings or moods does my addictive behavior help me cope (frustration, anger, fear, boredom, depression, anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc.)? How does it help me cope? What positive feelings, moods, or situations does my addictive behavior make even better? What things does my addictive behavior help, or at least seem to help me do better? Does it help me avoid reality or escape? Does it ease or reduce physical or emotional pain? Does my addictive behavior help me socialize and fit in? Do I need my addictive behavior to seem more fun, charming, interesting, or more confident? Do I need my addictive behavior to feel normal? Costs (risks and disadvantages) What is it that I dislike about using? How is it harming me? . What will my life be like if I continue to use? How much time have I lost to my addictive behavior? How many people do I lie to in order to hide my addictive behavior? How do I feel after the effects my addictive behavior wear off? How is using affecting my health? Does using affect my energy, stamina, and concentration? How much money have I lost to my addictive behavior? What legal problems do I face because of my behavior? How does using affect my relationships? How does using affect my work performance? What effects has it had on my self-respect and self-confidence? THE COSTS AND BENEFITS OF NOT USING Now, do the same exercise for your life without addictive behavior. Be honest and realistic. Benefits How will stopping affect my health? How will stopping affect my relationships with the ones I love? How will stopping affect my job? How much money can I save? What will stopping do to my self-respect and self-confidence? Will stopping affect my ability to deal with my problems? What will I do with the time freed up because I'm not pursuing my addictive behavior? Costs What goals have I abandoned that I could accomplish? What will I miss about using? What issues in my life will I have to find new ways to deal with when I stop using? What thoughts and emotions will I have to learn to accept? What will change about my life that I like now because I use? Short-term and long-term benefits Once you have your list of benefits and costs for each section, identify each one as either short-term benefit or long-term benefit. Are you surprised that most of the benefits of using and costs of stopping are short- term while the costs of using and benefits of stopping are long-term? In SMART meetings, we often hear gasps from people as they realize their addictive behavior has only short-term benefits but long-term costs. This may be the first time you've taken a hard look at the price you - and those around you have paid for your behavior. Now that you're considering your behavior in terms of immediate and lasting benefits, the decision whether to use or stop is clearer. Keep your CBA handy and refer to it when you have an urge. Make copies and keep them within easy reach. Make it a living document: Revise and update it whenever you need to. T the CBA is a great tool to use for any change or decision you want to make. MY COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS The substance or activity to consider is Using or Doing (Label each item short-term (ST) or long-term (LT)) Benefits (rewards and advantages) Costs (risks and disadvantages) NOT Using or Doing (Label each short-term (ST) or long-term) (LT) Benefits (rewards and advantages) Costs (risks and disadvantages) Defeat urges with DEADS You can knock down urges DEADS! This is an easy way to remember strategies when faced with an urge. Urges can muddy your cognitive abilities, making it hard to think clearly. DEADS can help you think clearly about how to deal with the urge, no matter how intense. D = Deny/Delay (Don't give in to the urge). Remind yourself, repeatedly if necessary, this urge will pass. Refuse to give into it no matter what! - E = Escape the trigger - If you know what is causing the urge, leave immediately. A = Avoid the trigger - You can keep track of when you get urges using the urge log. Urges can occur routinely as part of your daily pattern. If you know you will be in a situation that triggers an urge, plan to avoid the situation. The earlier in your recovery that you identify high-risk stimuli that trigger urges, the earlier you can avoid those situations or escape when unexpectedly faced with them. Attack the urge - Dispute irrational beliefs and obsessive thoughts or do an ABC. Practice relaxation or meditation Accept the urge - Tell yourself the urge will pass soon and that if you don't give in to it, the next urge will be less intense, and they will become less frequent. You may want to sit quietly by yourself to surf the urge: feel it build then fade while you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings about the urge, the present, and your future. Remember, don't turn the urge into a bigger issue by pretending it doesn't exist. D = Distract yourself with an activity. - Do something: go for a walk, read a book, or watch TV. If you're putting your mind on something else, then it can't focus on the urge. Simple activities, such as counting objects or saying the alphabet backward also can fill up your attention. Do something, even if you don't want to (clean the fridge, walk the dog). Motivation may follow the action. S Substitute for addictive thinking squeeze out the urge: _ Send in healthy substitute thoughts to Replace an irrational belief (This urge will kill me) with a rational one (This urge is bad but it won't kill me and it will pass). Substitute feeling down and alone by going to the gym or stopping by the SROL chat room. DEADS worksheet. Identify your strategies for successfully coping with urges. D = Deny/Delay (Don't give in to the urge) How long do urges last if you don't give in? How bad do they get before fading? What can you quickly do that will help you deny them? E = Escape What triggers can you get away from? What can you do to escape a trigger's influence? A = Avoid, accept or attack What can you do to avoid urges? What techniques or strategies have helped you "to be" with the urge until it passes without giving in? How do they make you feel and think that is different from how you think and feel when you're not having an urge? What tools or words can you use to attack the urge? D = Distract yourself with an activity What activities have you considered, written down, or done to take your mind off the urge and to fill the time that you used to spend on your addictive activity? S = Substitute for addictive thinking What thoughts can/have you developed to dispute the illogical thinking that comes with urges? What healthy activities can you do to replace down thinking and feeling? THE TOOL: DISARM (Destructive Self-talk Awareness and Refusal Method) EFFECTIVELY USED FOR WHICH OF THE SMART RECOVERY FOUR POINTS? Building Motivation Coping with Urges Problem Solving EQUIPMENT REQUIRED: None Lifestyle Balance WHAT IT IS: DISARM is a tool which exposes the self-talk and images which tell us to use as lies, excuses, and rationalizations. It challenges those urge-producing thoughts at every opportunity, shooting them down like a gunslinger or reducing them to the point of absurdity. All humans, not just humans with substance abuse problems, have thoughts, urges, or other impulses, which, if followed, would harm their long-term interests. Realizing the power of what we think/believe about our strong urges to use and changing distorted thinking is crucial to success. Indeed, the trouble with a philosophy of "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" is that tomorrow comes and we aren't dead! So, we are wise to first make ourselves aware of our destructive self-talk (thinking that is contrary to our long-term interests) and then refuse to go along with it. While we cannot will ourselves not to have certain thoughts or feelings, including strong urges, we can learn how to recognize that there are actually thoughts driving our urges and how to refuse to go along with them. We can learn to DISARM them. Then we can walk away from the situation or get ourselves involved with something other than focusing on our urge to use. WHEN IT IS USED: (Common question or statement that may prompt using this tool) When a member of your group indicates that he/she has been having strong urges -- whether or not he/she given in to them. EXAMPLE OF ITS USE IN A SMART RECOVERY MEETING: Ask the group member to ask and answer the following questions. (Note: these questions are valid for all group members if/as they experience a strong urge). 1. Question: Do I have to give in to the urge because it is intense and hard to resist? Answer: No, I don't have to give in. Because the urge is strong, it would be easy to give in, but I don't HAVE TO. I have had urges that I did not give in to, therefore it must be possible to resist. 2. Question: Will it be awful to deny myself by not giving into the urge? Answer: No, it won't be awful. It may be quite unpleasant, but unpleasant is not awful, it's just unpleasant. If I don't give in to the urge, it will get weaker and come less frequently. If I do give in, the urge will stay strong, be harder to resist next time and show up more frequently. SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org info@smartrecovery.org 3. Question: Is it really unbearable not to give into this urge? Answer: I don't like the way it feels to deny my urge, but since it doesn't kill me not to give in, I can keep on resisting. (Remember, individuals drinking large amounts of alcohol may need to go to a detox center when they first stop because the sudden end of alcohol really could be injurious.) 4. Question: Am I somehow entitled to be able to give up using without strong urges to go back to using? Answer: No! I don't have a note from God, my mother, SMART Recovery group members or anyone else which entitles me not to have strong urges to use. It may be unpleasant to resist some of my urges, but no one gave me a get out of unpleasantness free" card. The DISARM method allows the individual experiencing the craving to carefully and rationally answer a few key questions. The results will help the individual to understand that the urge truly can be overcome, and that as success is experienced, the urges will be less strong and will occur less frequently. ***** DISARMING the "ENEMY" Some people find it helpful to use a technique to dissociate yourself from the voice inside each of us which says, "It's a good idea to do something self-destructive." It is a game you can play with yourself which might help you to: a) identify the specific thoughts which, if followed, would lead to using when you have already decided that, in the long term, this choice is not for you, and b) steadfastly refuse to go along with this thinking no matter how attractive it might seem. Instead of talking yourself into lapsing you can develop powerful countering and coping statements. To do this, it may help to invent and personify an "enemy" who lives in your mind, and whose only purpose is to get you to use. The Enemy (your alter ego) knows you well, and can change form to take advantage of your weakest moments. Name your enemy (i.e., salesman, gangster, diplomat, bad cop). When urges come, ask yourself, "What is s/he telling me now? How is s/he trying to trick me?" When thoughts are identified: 1. Without debate, ATTACK the enemy with powerful counter statements: "Nice try, jerk. You can't fool me!" You can be as aggressive or profane as your nature allows with the Enemy - after all, s/he is trying to screw up your life. 2. Then quickly FOCUS on some other thoughts, images, or activities which are consistent with what you want in the long run and inconsistent with what the Enemy is saying. The Enemy then looses his power and fades away. Later on, you can submit the Enemy's tricks to an ABC analysis in order to dispute them. You usually discover irrational themes and patterns to the thoughts and arguments the Enemy throws at you. While coping statements alone will often work, it is important not to omit disputing. If your coping statements aren't working, it is because you don't believe them as strongly as you believe the Enemy. Through disputing we can develop powerful coping statements you fully believe for use in the future. Through actually resisting the Enemy's suggestions, you become increasingly better at doing do. Acknowledgments: Faust, Mephistopheles, and Jekyll and Hyde. Thanks also to Team Members Nick Rajacic, Hank Robb, Joe Gerstein, and Mike Werner. SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org info@smartrecovery.org DISPUTING IRRATIONAL BELIEFS + IRRATIONAL BELIFE QUESTION BELIEF I always fail. Do I always fail? I'm totally worthless. My partner treats me unfairly. They are a bad person. Nothing good every happens to me and never will. I must always do whatever it takes to be comfortable. When I mess something up, it proves I'm a complete failure. I have to be better and do better than the people around me or I am nothing. Because my addictive behavior has proven that I'm a loser, I should never trust myself and my instincts, and will always need advice of others. Others are responsible for my unhappiness. I hate them. I want to punish them or I complain bitterly when they disappoint me. I must find the one person or belief that will make my life stable. I'm bored and uncomfortable. The only thing I can do is use. Have I really never done anything worthwhile? Does my partner treat me unfairly? Are they bad? Does nothing good every happen to me? Is it realistic to expect to always feel comfortable? Am I a complete failure? Am I really nothing? Do I need other's advice? RATIONAL BELIEF I have done some useful things in the past so I don't and won't always fail. I have done some worthless and useless things BUT because I have had success at things, I cannot judge myself as a totally worthless person. They have done unfair things BUT also has done many things to help me so I can't judge them as a totally bad person. No one is perfect. The love and support of my family and friends are all good things that continue to happen to me. Comfort ebbs and flows. It may be better to stay uncomfortable temporarily if it will help me achieve my long-term goals. I don't judge others as harshly as I judge myself. Everyone makes mistakes. I can make mistakes and learn from them; it makes me human, not a failure. I don't need to prove I'm better than others to be OK. I can be happy just as I am and deserve to accept myself. I've made mistakes and will continue to make them. BUT I can trust my thoughts and feelings, and I don't need to rely on others' opinions to validate my self worth. I'm responsible for my happiness. Holding others responsible is Are other people in charge of unrealistic, unfair, and doesn't lead my happiness? Is there one person or belief that will make me happy? Is using the only option I have? to my long-term happiness. Life is an ongoing process of learning many things and relating to many people. It's a journey on which I will change and grow. I can do other things to help. It will help get my mind off using. The tool: SMART Recovery Self Management and Recovery Training Visit us at our website at: www.smartrecovery.org Hierarchy of Values Worksheet Complete this worksheet to determine what is MOST important to YOU. Effectively used for which of the 4 points? Building Motivation Coping with Urges Problem Solving Lifestyle Balance A. Take a few minutes or so and write down a list of things that are important to you: B. From the list above, look through and choose those that you consider to be your "Top Five"... the five things you consider to be the MOST IMPORTANT to you (in no particular order): 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. (Special thanks to SMART Recovery's founding President Joe Gerstein, MD) Help SMART forge more tools for you to use! Make a donation today! Make a donation to SMART Recovery at: www.smartrecovery.org/donate SMART Recovery Self Management and Recovery Training Visit us at our website at: www.smartrecovery.org HIERARCHY OF VALUES From the work of Joe Gerstein, MD (As written by Lorie Hammerstrom and Jim Braastad) Joe Gerstein, a very generous man who was a major player in the founding of SMART Recovery, served as its first President and a long-time member of the Board of Directors has a great little tool that he has used with people in the SMART Recovery meetings he's facilitated. It's called the "Hierarchy of Values, and goes something like this: Take a few minutes or so and make a list of the things that are important to you. Once that is completed, pick out the five things that you would place at the very top of the list-the five things that are MOST important to you. There is no "right" or "wrong" answers, as these are the things that are most important to YOU! (NOTE: If you haven't already done so, please take the time to create your own "Top Five" list before you read on. This exercise will have more meaning and a greater impact if you take the time to determine and write out your "Top Five" before continuing.) For the purposes of discussion, here's a sample list (in no order of importance): 1. Family 2. Friends 3. Happiness 4. Health 5. Independence; self-sufficiency; well-being What's missing? Is it missing from your list as well? What Joe has noticed is how rarely people put alcohol (or whatever other substance or maladaptive behavior) in the list of the things that they deem "most important" to them. Yet often their actions would suggest otherwise... that it was the most important thing in their lives! When we sit down and really think about what we value most in our lives, it's (most likely) safe to say that our DOC (drug of choice) isn't one of them. Yet every time that we use, we are placing those things in jeopardy; we are gambling with the things that we treasure and hold dear, putting them at risk with the potential of losing them. So effectively, when we choose (and yes, it IS a choice) to drink or drug (or whatever other maladaptive behavior), we are choosing that over the things we value most! Even if that choice is made mindlessly or without thought, it doesn't change anything-our DOC is being chosen over what we deem to be most important! Help SMART forge more tools for you to use! Make a donation today! Make a donation to SMART Recovery at: www.smartrecovery.org/donate The tool: SMART Recovery Self-Management and Recovery Training LIFESTYLE BALANCE PIE Effectively used for which of the 4 points? Building & Maintaining Motivation Coping with Urges Managing Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviors Living a Balanced Life Living a balanced life... Has a nice sound to it, doesn't it? A meaningful life is one that is in balance, one which adequate time is given to the activities that express your values and priorities. (NOTE: Refer to the Hierarchy of values worksheet to determine your values.) No matter what those values may be, many of us do not live our life "in balance", or in a manner that consistently sustains the things we value most. It's important to note that achieving a balanced lifestyle is just like the other points in our 4-Point Program-there is no magic involved and it takes some work to accomplish. Many of the other SMART tools can be helpful and utilized in your quest to achieving and living a balanced life. The SMART tools aren't just "recovery" tools-there are many who refer to them as being "life" tools. There are two main actions that lead to a balanced life. The first is to understand and respect each of the important areas of your life. The second consists of changing your perspective in the areas in which you are stuck. The exercise on the next page will allow you to see how you're dividing your time in the "pie" of your life. In this exercise, to work at creating a healthy, meaningful balance in your life, you will: 1. Take an inventory. When completing this worksheet, you'll determine and evaluate the areas that you focus your time and energy, becoming aware of what parts of your life are in or out of balance. 2. Be honest. This exercise will show you the areas in your life that you pay less attention to. Upon completing, be honest with yourself about your reaction to the picture it shows. What are your thoughts and feelings? Are there areas where you want to spend more time? Why? Are there fears or discomforts that you're avoiding or keeping you from doing something? If you were able to pay more attention to those lacking areas, how would you start? When would you begin? 3. Go with your gut. When looking at your pie, you may find several areas that you feel could use more attention, and it's unlikely you'll have the time to work on all of them at once. Which one is waving its hand wildly and saying, "Me first! Me first! Pick me!" Which is the one beckoning you the most? Go with your gut instinct. It's easier (and more fun) working on the area you're initially drawn to. 4. Plan and prepare. In order to pay more attention to the areas, you'll need to make time for it... otherwise it won't get done. Placing your focus on these less tended areas will take some getting used to. Change doesn't happen overnight, and it's no different here. Create a plan... and stick to it. 5. Get support. Making changes isn't easy. Rather than struggling and risking failure, get all the outside help and support you can get. You might ask loved ones, friends, colleagues, or seek professional help. This will make changing the behavior easier, bringing your life into a better balance. 6. Balance. Your "pie" may show one area of your life which is heavier than others. How much time of your time is spent on the thing(s) that is going well for you? Again, be honest with yourself. Is it that specific area that you spend the most time on? All of the areas in your life should be done with moderation and balance in mind. Otherwise, your life becomes unbalanced and one-sided. 7. Have fun. If the work you put forth in balancing your life starts to feel burdensome, back off a bit. You are doing this work to become healthy and whole, not to add more chores to your life. Seek out the fun in all your efforts; have a good time with the new experiences while exploring the other areas of your well-being. In the big picture of things, when your life becomes more balanced and well-rounded, the healthier and happier you'll be. So don't forget to have fun! "Lifestyle Balance Pie & Worksheet" was prepared and written for SMART Recovery by Jim Braastad. This exercise is based on the work of Julia Cameron's, The Artist's Way, and is used by permission of Penguin Publishers. SMART Recovery Self-Management and Recovery Training LIFESTYLE BALANCE PIE WORKSHEET 10- 1. On a blank piece of paper, draw a large circle to represent your life. 2. Thinking of your life as a pie, divide it into slices and then label each piece with an area of your life that is important to you. (e.g., Family, friends, spirituality, romance, health, work, recreation, personal growth, money, physical surroundings, etc.) 3. Within each slice, draw another line as a ruler. Think of the pie's outer edge as being completely satisfied (10) and the center as being totally dissatisfied (0). Give a rating to your level of satisfaction in each of the areas you've listed by placing a dot to indicate the level of satisfaction you have in each particular area of your life. 4. After completing the rating for each slice, connect the dots to create a new outside perimeter of your pie. What does it look like? Is it round and full, and ready to put on the table for everyone to see? Or does it look like there have been bites taken out of it? Think of it as being the tires on your car. What would the ride be like? Would it roll along smoothly and effortlessly? Or would it be rough and bumpy? Then ask yourself (and answer) the following questions: Am I living a balanced life? Are my true values and priorities reflected here? If I had one month left to live, is this the way I would be spending my time? Am I involved in too many activities? Is there too much on my plate? How much of my time is spent caring for others? For myself? Are there areas of my life that need more of my attention? Is there a dream or desire that keeps getting put off that I'd like to focus on? What area(s) needs more attention? Where is less attention needed? What changes do I want to make? What can I do to "round out" my life? 5. To move yourself forward to a more balanced lifestyle, take steps at providing more time for and start filling in the areas with gaps-those spots where it looks like a piece of your pie is missing- because it is! When doing so, be sure to place your focus on the complete picture of your life, not just specific areas. After all, it's the big picture that "living a balanced life is all about. "Lifestyle Balance Pie & Worksheet" was prepared and written for SMART Recovery by Jim Braastad. This exercise is based on the work of Julia Cameron's, The Artist's Way, and is used by permission of Penguin Publishers. SMART Recovery Self-Management and Recovery Training 10 FOL 10- "Lifestyle Balance Pie & Worksheet" prepared and written for SMART Recovery by Jim (GJBXVI) Braastad Graphic Designed by Jack Calligan THE TOOL: Unconditional Self-Acceptance EFFECTIVELY USED FOR WHICH OF THE 4 POINTS? Building Motivation Coping with Urges EQUIPMENT REQUIRED: None Problem Solving Lifestyle Balance USA Today - by Nick Rajacic, MSW I accept myself because I'm alive and have the capacity to enjoy my existence. I am not my behavior. I can rate my traits and my behavior, but it is impossible to accurately and honestly rate something as complex as my self. My self consists of innumerable traits; no single one is all important unless I decide that it is. Exaggerating the importance of any one trait will cause me more grief than it will help me. I strive for achievement only to enhance the enjoyment of my existence, not to prove my worth. Failing at any task cannot make me a failure. I can choose to accept myself even if I am unwilling or unable to change my character defects, because there is no law of the universe that says I can't. My approval of myself cannot come from pandering to any external source or bowing to any external authority. My self-acceptance can only come from me, and I am free to choose it at any time. USA Everyday by Henry Steinberger, Ph.D. The myth of variable self-worth is based on a self-rating scheme that differs from person to person, but in all cases it involves choosing arbitrary traits or attributes to rate, because NO set of attributes exists that would universally and perpetually define intrinsic or self worth. An attribute or set of attributes would cover only relative extrinsic worth (worth compared to some arbitrary standard) or worth in relation to others and their goals (e.g., Do they accept me?). Can you rate red as good or bad? Only in relationship to some goal, but not universally. You can say it is more or less red, that red is good or bad for some purpose, or that one likes or dislikes red, but never honestly that red is inherently good or bad. By way of analogy, a person-their self, essence, or being-can never be accurately and honestly rated, though it may be done regularly much to the person's detriment. Refuse to rate yourself and save yourself from the emotional disturbances and behavioral traps that come with the self-rating game. The self-esteem game. Many if not most people put others down in order to prove that others rate no better, or worse, than they themselves do and so they build themselves up in this comparative rating scheme. The antidote would be unconditional other acceptance. Practicing UOA can be good practice for maintaining better USA. SMART Recovery www.smartrecovery.org info@smartrecovery.org