4. Communicating Needs Clearly The three scenarios presented here describe interactions in which a friend does not initially give the desired response. For each one, write what you could say to clarify what is wanted.

a. You’ve just found out that your car needs two new tires and alignment, and you don’t have any extra cash. Worrying about money is the thing you want to do now, with everything else on your mind. You see a friend and tell him what’s happened. He says, “Sit down, let’s talk about it.” You don’t want to talk; you want to get your mind off the problem.

You say

b. You are unhappy because your boyfriend or girlfriend is transferring to a school 600 miles away. You think that you’ll miss him or her, and you’re also worried that the relationship might not survive the distance. A friend calls, and you mention your concerns. In response, she/he says, “You can handle this. Just make sure that the two of you have email accounts, and you’ll be fine.” Although you’d like to believe this, it seems like empty reassurance to you. You’d rather have some help sorting through your feelings.

You say

c. A friend tells you that she is really worried about the job market. As she talks, you hear several things: her worry about making a living, her uncertainty about where she will be living, and her doubts about self-worth.

You say to your friend, “Sounds as if you are feeling pretty overwhelmed by all of this.

Maybe it would help if we took one piece of the problem at a time.” Your friend lets out a frustrated sigh and replies, “I don’t want to analyze every bit and piece!” You’re not sure what your friend wants and how to help her.

You say