4. Review the eight conflict management skills discussed in this chapter. Identify examples of these skills in the dialogue between Andrea and Elle. When you’ve watched the video online, critique and analyze this encounter based on the principles you learned in this chapter. Then compare your work with the author’s suggested responses. Online, even more videos will let you continue the conversation with your instructor.

Andrea and her sister Ellie.

Andrea: What are you working on?

Ellie: This book for French lit—I’m way behind.

Andrea: Can I talk to you for a few minutes?

Ellie: I’m really behind. Can it wait?

Andrea: I promise I’ll be quick.

Ellie: Fine. What?

Andrea: That’s part of it. The way you just said “what?”

Like you’re already annoyed.

Ellie: I told you I’m busy. So yeah, you’re annoying me.

Andrea: You’re so short with me lately.

Ellie: [trying to lighten the mood] You’re my sister, you’re supposed to annoy me.

Andrea: But lately it happens a lot. And sometimes you get a little out of hand. Like the other night.

Ellie: What about the other night?

Andrea: You tried to throw your alarm clock at me when we argued about whose turn it was to do the laundry.

Ellie: But I didn’t throw it.

Andrea: Yeah, because it was plugged in.

Ellie: What do you want me to say?

Andrea: I want to know why you’re so angry all the time over nothing.

Ellie: [angry and defensive] Nothing?!

I had two exams the next day when you told me I had to do the laundry! What you call nothing is my education, my future! It’s not my fault that you’re too lazy or too much of a jerk to care about your classes or lift a finger around here!

Andrea: This is what I mean. You never used to call me names. You never used to yell. We would talk. I’m afraid to even try to talk to you. And sometimes I’m sorry—not to mention hurt—when I do try.

Ellie: I’m sorry. You’re the only person I have to vent to and sometimes I get a little carried away.

Andrea: More than a little. It seems like we never talk anymore.

Ellie: What are we doing now?

Andrea: Sarcasm doesn’t help, Ellie. I mean really talk—

I think we need that. Your classes are a lot harder than mine this semester, it makes sense that you might need to release stress.

Ellie: I assume you mean in some way other than throwing objects at your head?

Andrea: Well, yeah. But also in ways that will help you feel better.

Ellie: Yeah, I did feel bad about that the other night.

I’m sorry.

Andrea: I am too, for not being as understanding as I could about your schedule and stress. Maybe if we set aside a time each week to sit down and talk, we could avoid these fights.

Ellie: That makes sense. I do feel like I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. Let’s plan a lunch date this week.