Evaluate the following drafts. What parts should be omitted? What needs to be changed or added?

What parts would benefit from specific supporting details?

1. Dear____:

There is more to a buyer’s job than buying the merchandise. And a clothing buyer in particular has much to consider.

Even though something may be in style, customers may not want to buy it. Buyers should therefore be aware of what customers want and how much they are willing to pay.

In the buying field, request letters, thank-you letters, and persuasive letters are frequently written.

My interest in the retail field inspired me to read The Gap’s annual report. I saw that a new store is being built. An interview would give us a chance to discuss how I could contribute to this new store. Please call me to schedule an interview.

Sincerely, 2. Dear Sir or Madam:

I am taking the direct approach of a personnel letter. I believe you will under stand my true value in the areas of practical knowledge and promotional capabilities.

I am interested in a staff position with Darden in relation to trying to improve the operations and moral of the Olive Garden Restaurants, which I think that I am capable of doing. Please take a minute not to read my résumé (enclosed) and call to schedule an interview.

Sincerely,

3. Dear____:
Hello, my name is Dave. I am very interested in the position of marketing guy for Applicious Applesauce. I have recently graduated from Iowa State University, with a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing and Finance. I graduated with a 2.0 GPA, and took many classes in Marketing and Finance. I believe these classes will help me to grow your company to where it needs to be.
I did some marketing work for my friend, Aaron, who is starting his own business. I helped promote his new business and came up with a clear marketing plan for him to follow. He is doing really well with it so far.
I have no problem relocating for this job. I really want it.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,