3. As you become a more critical listener, inquire about inconsistencies when you observe them in conversation. For example, if your friend offers you verbal and nonverbal messages that contradict each other, let him or her know. Be careful to avoid being defensive here. Instead of saying, “You’re sending me mixed messages,” say, “I’m confused about what you mean. You said you were happy with the decision, but you frowned and sighed at the same time.”