1. Developing Mindfulness To develop your ability to be mindful, follow these guidelines in a situation that calls for you to listen:

•• Empty your mind of thoughts, ideas, plans, and concerns so that you are open to the other person.

•• Concentrate on the person with whom you are interacting. Say to yourself, “I want to focus on this person and on what she or he is feeling and thinking.”

•• If you find yourself framing responses to the other person, try to push those aside; they interfere with your concentration on the other person’s words.

•• If your mind wanders, don’t criticize yourself;

that’s distracting. Instead, gently refocus on the person you are with and on what that person is communicating to you. It’s natural for other thoughts to intrude, so just push them away and stay focused on the other person.
•• Let the other person know you are attending mindfully; give nonverbal responses (nods, facial expressions), ask questions to encourage elaboration, and keep eye contact.
•• Evaluate how mindfully you listened. Did you understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings? Did you feel more focused on that person than you usually do when you listen to others?