4.1 The next time you’re talking with a friend, try listening the wrong way—a non-understanding listening style. Don’t tell your friend what you are doing. Listen for your ego. Judge everything your friend says in terms of whether you agree with her or not. Try not to be too obvious or obnoxious.

But in a gentle way, verbally judge the content of what she says during the conversation.

See if you can listen the “wrong way” for a minute or two.

Did your friend notice your listening response style? What did she say or do to indicate she noticed your change in listening? (At least I hope this isn’t your normal style of listening.) How did listening the wrong way affect or modify the content of the discussion? How did listening the wrong way affect or modify the way your friend communicated? How did it feel to you? Did it feel familiar? Did it feel strange?

Who listens to you in this style? How does it feel to you to be judged when you share with another? Did the two of you discuss this experiment after you shared its intent?

What did you discover about yourself?